Long Walks

On Saturday my husband was working on my Mom's basement. He got a late start and decided to use my SUV to haul tools and materials back and forth from the hardware store. (It wouldn't be fun to try to cram it all in his Mustang)

So needless to say I was stranded at home with no way to get anywhere. This is when I really wish I knew how to drive a stick shift car. Aargh

I didn't want to spend another day home alone with Little Miss so I decided to take a walk. Yes I live in the Midwest and yes it was chilly yesterday but we got all bundled up and where fine!

My Mom's house is 4 miles away so we just started walking.

We walked and walked and walked some more.

I prayed to God and thanked him for all of my blessings. I gave Him all of my frustrations. I just laid them at His feet. I looked around at all of God's beauty that He gives to us each day.

I gave God my concerns for the future. I gave him my hopes and dreams. I prayed about our finances and told Him that while I am ok with the struggle lost days some days I get down about it all.

I looked at my beautiful daughter and thanked God for answering my prayers.

By the time I stopped to really focus where I was we had walked all the way to my Mom's house.

The long walk was exactly what we needed. Little Miss needed the sleep and I needed to be lay everything at God's feet.

Here is Little Miss dozing during our walk.

Want to go on a coffee date?

If we were going to go on a coffee date today ...

I would have to apologize for still wearing my pajamas and slippers.

I would tell you to be careful as you walked in the door because I have been doing laundry and four baskets are sitting on the floor.

I would offer you a coffee while I drank both coffee and water. I need to increase my milk supply.

I would encourage you to talk to Little Miss because "talking" is her favorite.

She may fall asleep while you are here on a blanket her great grandma Dee made for her daddy when he was 10.

I would tell you that Christmas is always difficult each year when money is tight and your children want really big gifts.

I would ask you if there is anything you would like me to pray for you this week.

I would ask you to tell me your story.

I would thank you for spending time with me because being a stay at home Mom can be lonely sometimes.

I would ask you to come back because I enjoy your company.

Move Me

All day I have been in a mood ... not a good mood or a bad mood but a mood. I hardly got any sleep last night.

Little Man woke up and climbed into bed with me because he had a nightmare. He told me that he dreamt he was in a jail cell and someone let deadly snakes in to kill him.

Little Miss barely slept. She was fussy and tired. She has been fighting a cold that has left her stuffy and congested. I can feel it in her lungs.

Needless to say, all 4 of us in a queen size bed left us with very little room to sleep so none of us really got any.

I got up with Little Miss at 5:45 am and came downstairs. He smiled and cooed as if she was having the best time ever. I made the coffee. I made a lunch for my husband. I packed Little Man's lunch. I picked up the scraps of paper off the coffee table from when Little Man was teaching himself oragami. I grabbed all of the glasses semi filled with liquid and dropped them in the sink.

Little Miss finally fell asleep at 7 am.

I took that opportunity to jump in the shower to try and give myself more energy than I really had.

I woke up Little Man and instructed him to get ready for school.

He drank his morning coffee and so did I.

I put the baby in her carseat and drove Little Man to school. He loves listening to the radio and singing along with every song ... loudly. I dropped him off at school while Gangnam style was playing on the radio. I saw his lips moving as he joined his classes line. I know he was still singing the song.

Little Miss and I came home. I began washing the dishes, doing the laundry, nursing the baby, and drinking more coffee.

My Husband called and told me to take a nap. He told me that nothing really had to be done at home so I should just relax. He also told me that we are going to need a bigger bed. {I agree} We hung up quickly because he was busy at work.

I did nap right before Little Man came home from school.

I decided breakfast for dinner would be good and easy.

I burned the bacon. I took too long making the pancakes so the eggs were cold. The whole house was filled with smoke.

I feel like most days I am just going through the motions and I am not really "good" at any of my duties. The house is not really clean just straightened up. The laundry is folded but it just sits in baskets. I have yelled at Little Man for not writing neatly on his homework assignment and for forgetting his science book. I get frusterated with Little Miss because she is crying but won't nurse. My husband goes to bed early because of his lack of sleep last night.

I am not connecting with my family. I am not being intentional. I am not giving them the attention they deserve.

As I sat down at the computer tonight I was wondering if I was the only Mom/Wife who thought she was doing the right thing. I wondered if what I did today in the mundane touched my family. I wondered if I was good enough.

I just wanted to be moved. I want my world rocked so that I can become more intentional in the things I do.

Then I read this ...

Boy was I rocked. The tears just flowed. I am not the only one who wonders if the decisions they have made are the right ones.

I discovered that right now things may be tough but I was put here to "just love them".

Then I realized that I must be doing something right if my Little Man seeks me out when he is scared because he can feel my love and I keep him safe.

Little Miss smiles and cooes at me because I have shown here love.

My Husband calls me to remind me to relax and to thank me for making his lunch and coffee this morning. He can feel my love too.

I am just here to love them.

Some days are going to be better than others and today may not have been my day but when I get discouraged and feel like I am not doing enough ... I can just love them!

In the Midst

Dear Lord,

We are in the midst of a great struggle. My heart is in knots and my stomach is feeling queasy. I am dreading the call to the realtor to be honest with the financial situation we are in. I am hoping that the owner and the realtor have a kind heart and give us a chance to rent the property. Please calm my heart and my fears. Remind me to put my faith in you and that all things will work out according to your plan and not just my will. Teach me to let You lead my life and that when I try to control my life alone things fall apart even more.

Amen

See through

I know that my blog has mostly been upbeat and happy mainly focused on my beautiful son and our many adventures but today my blog is not going to be like that.

I am going to be honest and open with all the things that I am struggling with in my life currently. This is already feeling more difficult than I originally thought it would be.

I like my upbeat blog and showing my true self makes me feel very vulnerable.

But vulnerability can lead to great things and I will do anything to turn my life into something truly wonderful and honoring God in all his glory.

Right now things are really difficult.

In May, a letter was sent home from my son’s school informing me that I needed to show proof of residency and sign legal forms stating that forgery or deceit will lead to fines and possible court retaliations.

I didn’t want to go that route but I also knew that I am unable to pay daycare costs right now and that by using the school in my mom’s subdivision will give me a plethora of opportunities for someone to watch Jacob while I was in school as well as providing Jacob with a superior education.

I decided that foreclosing on my home that I purchased 3 1/2 years ago would be the best scenario since I would never get back the money I purchased the home for. (I purchased the condo for $129, 900 and right now the highest it would be able to be sold for is $83,000. Also the three remaining units in my condo building are vacant.)

All summer long I have been searching for a home to rent in my Mom’s subdivision since there are only two subdivisions that feed into my son’s school. Until 2 weeks ago nothing was up for rent. Then all of a sudden a home became for rent and I jumped at the chance to see it.

The home is very tiny but do able for me, Dan, and Jacob with Christian visiting on the weekends.

The renter wants a $2000 security deposit and obviously 1st months rent.

I am unsure how we are going to come up with the money and with the condo not being paid for we are in dire need of something to work out.

The realtor called me yesterday to discuss the mortgage that is being shown on my credit report and I have yet to call her back. I am nervous and stressed and unsure what is going to happen next.

I have submitted my prayer request to God and I know that he provides for the ones that love Him. I am trying to keep my need to control all things to a minimum and let God do what He needs to do.

Please pray  for me and my family during this time. Without God I know we have nothing.

Prayer Request

Josiah Steven Weiberg is a beautiful 7 month old baby boy who was recently diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1. Unfortunately, this disease does not have a positive outcome. There are no cures and children with this diagnosis live tragically short lives. This little boy and his parents, Jim and Alesha, attend Harvest Bible Chapel with me.

Please pray for this family.

You can visit their caring bridge website by clicking here.

Update on Stellan

Stellan is not doing well at all. They are air lifting him to the Boston hospital. Please pray for him and his family. To read about his story and that of the whole MckFamily please click here.

Not Me! Monday!

Normally, on Monday I try to post all the crazy, funny, outrageous things that didn't happen to me and/or Little Man. But this Monday isn't going to be like that. This Monday I am asking everyone who visits my blog to pray for baby Stellan. He is back in the hospital with SVT. The new medicine they thought would help him doesn't seem to be working. His heart is still working overtime and his MckMama is heart broken to see her baby like this. I will be praying for the whole MckFamily during this difficult time.





If you want to read more about MckMama, Baby Stellan, and the MckFamily click here.

Brandon & Kim are Married!

What an exhausting week this has been. We have driven a long way to be a part of Brandon and Kim's wedding. They did not disappoint. The atmosphere and surroundings were stunning. I swear I could see heaven from as high up as we were. I will definitely post pictures when I get home. The sunrise was spectacular. We are leaving in a couple hours to drive home. Please pray for us to have safe travels. Specifically pray for Dan since I am not much help in the driving department. I can only drive about 4 hours at a time. I am going to take a dip in the pool now. I will catch you all up with the festivities tomorrow night.

PS- we are all sun burnt. Jacob has been calling us the red family.

Explanation

The other day while Jacob and I were in the car he asked me a very serious question for a child his age. He asked me, "If God is supposed to be my friend and I can't see Him, How do I play with Him?" For the life of me I could not come up with a good response. How lovely was that question.

It has really bothered me that I could not give him an answer. As I thought long and hard about his question I got to thinking. I can't answer that question because I don't tend to think about God like my friend. I want to think of Him that way but I am just not.

I think of God as an authority figure. I think of Him as someone I must obey. But I honestly want to be His friend I just don't know how.

This afternoon at church Pastor Ron was sharing with us how to disclose our struggles and past/present sins to others. (If you would like to watch the sermon, click here.)

So tonight, I am going to disclose one of my many sins to you. I don't spend enough time with God. I put Him at the bottom of my to-do list and most days I never get to cross Him off my list. (Ok, I know that spending time with God isn't something I need to cross off my list but I am just saying.)

Starting tomorrow, I am going to wake up early and put God on the top of my list and spend time with Him. In the Bible it says to meet God in the morning. So that is what I am going to do.

Please pray for me to fight the urge and sleep in. I really want and need to make God a priority in my life.

If anyone has something they want me to pray for please leave a comment.

Walk in His Strength,
Mindy

Obviously, fear is not a factor for you!

Do you remember that show? Fear Factor. Come on, you have got to remember? They would make the contestants eat bugs, cow eyes, and pig intestines? They always had to jump off something or do something dangerous in the rain. Remember now?

Truth be told, I would never be able to compete in any of those contests!



I am a fearful person. I am afraid of birds. Oh yeah, those pretty birds that everyone else but me seems to enjoy. I could never place a bird feeder in my yard. No way, birds are not invited to my house.

I am afraid of change. The bank I am currently banking with is far from where I live yet I am terrified to change it. There is a Chase bank within walking distance of my home but I am afraid what will happen when I move my money from one account to another. Will I forget about a check that hasn't cleared yet? Will I be fined for closing an account? Will I forget that I changed banks and try to deposit money there? I don't know. They all seem very illogical now that I am writing them down.

Most days, I just allow what ever is going to happen, happen. I don't try to change things. I don't try to disrupt the flow. I just pray that most days things will go my way.

As of recently, God has been trying to get me out of my comfort zone. He is telling me to take a leap of faith. He is encouraging me to trust Him to take care of me.



So, here I am standing at the edge of the cliff.

Do I jump? Do I take the leap of faith that God has been nudging me to do? What is a fearful person like myself to do?

I really want to follow what God wants me to do. We all know that His plans are way better than any plan we could come up with for ourselves. But when it comes down to it, it is scary.

So the other day I dove into God's word to look and see what He has to say about fear. This is what I found ...

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

I want that perfect love with my God. I want to trust him with all my being.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

This verse definitely helps take away the fear I am holding on to.

Psalm 56:11

in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

Exactly, I have nothing to fear because I know where I am going in the end.

Matthew 10:29-31
Aren't two sparrows sold for only a penny? But your Father knows when any one of them falls to the ground. Even the hairs on your head are counted. So don't be afraid! You are worth much more than many sparrows.

Amen to that.

God needs me to trust Him. He needs me to fix my eyes upon Him.

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name's sake.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I will fear no evil;

For you are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.

Please pray with me as I take my leap of faith in order to follow the path of righteousness for my Lord. Pray that I will not be afraid but that I will take comfort in Him. Pray that though I cannot see what the Lord has in store for me my fear in the unknown will subside and my trust in the Lord will flurish.

If anyone has a prayer request that they would like me to pray about please let me know. If you do not want to share the details of your struggles that is fine but I will lift you up to the Lord.

Also, Lynnette Kraft is asking for prayers. Please head over to her blog and lift her up to the Lord as well. Great things happen when groups of people pray.

Twice in One Day? Crazy I know

I know I already posted once today but I just had a super funny conversation with Jacob and wanted to share it with everyone.

Jacob: Mom, what do you think?

Me: What do I think about what?

Jacob: I think I should quit school.

Me: Quit school? Why? You can't even quit school, it isn't allowed.

Jacob: Yes I need to quit school. We do the same thing everyday. Except for gym days. I like those days.

Me: Yeah you are not going to quit school. You will be back at school tomorrow as long as you don''t throw up again.

Jacob: Fine I will go back to school but we do the same thing ALL the time but fine.

I guess I thought this conversation would come when he was 16 years old not 6 years old. He hasn't even been in school for a year! I think this will be a long process for the both of us.

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On yet another topic of the day ...
I have been considering changing a huge aspect of my life. I am not going to share what it is yet but I am asking everyone to pray for me. Please pray that what I am trying to do goes with what God has planned for me. I know He has plans for me but I just want to make sure this one is what He wants me to do.

Mindy