Move Me

All day I have been in a mood ... not a good mood or a bad mood but a mood. I hardly got any sleep last night.

Little Man woke up and climbed into bed with me because he had a nightmare. He told me that he dreamt he was in a jail cell and someone let deadly snakes in to kill him.

Little Miss barely slept. She was fussy and tired. She has been fighting a cold that has left her stuffy and congested. I can feel it in her lungs.

Needless to say, all 4 of us in a queen size bed left us with very little room to sleep so none of us really got any.

I got up with Little Miss at 5:45 am and came downstairs. He smiled and cooed as if she was having the best time ever. I made the coffee. I made a lunch for my husband. I packed Little Man's lunch. I picked up the scraps of paper off the coffee table from when Little Man was teaching himself oragami. I grabbed all of the glasses semi filled with liquid and dropped them in the sink.

Little Miss finally fell asleep at 7 am.

I took that opportunity to jump in the shower to try and give myself more energy than I really had.

I woke up Little Man and instructed him to get ready for school.

He drank his morning coffee and so did I.

I put the baby in her carseat and drove Little Man to school. He loves listening to the radio and singing along with every song ... loudly. I dropped him off at school while Gangnam style was playing on the radio. I saw his lips moving as he joined his classes line. I know he was still singing the song.

Little Miss and I came home. I began washing the dishes, doing the laundry, nursing the baby, and drinking more coffee.

My Husband called and told me to take a nap. He told me that nothing really had to be done at home so I should just relax. He also told me that we are going to need a bigger bed. {I agree} We hung up quickly because he was busy at work.

I did nap right before Little Man came home from school.

I decided breakfast for dinner would be good and easy.

I burned the bacon. I took too long making the pancakes so the eggs were cold. The whole house was filled with smoke.

I feel like most days I am just going through the motions and I am not really "good" at any of my duties. The house is not really clean just straightened up. The laundry is folded but it just sits in baskets. I have yelled at Little Man for not writing neatly on his homework assignment and for forgetting his science book. I get frusterated with Little Miss because she is crying but won't nurse. My husband goes to bed early because of his lack of sleep last night.

I am not connecting with my family. I am not being intentional. I am not giving them the attention they deserve.

As I sat down at the computer tonight I was wondering if I was the only Mom/Wife who thought she was doing the right thing. I wondered if what I did today in the mundane touched my family. I wondered if I was good enough.

I just wanted to be moved. I want my world rocked so that I can become more intentional in the things I do.

Then I read this ...

Boy was I rocked. The tears just flowed. I am not the only one who wonders if the decisions they have made are the right ones.

I discovered that right now things may be tough but I was put here to "just love them".

Then I realized that I must be doing something right if my Little Man seeks me out when he is scared because he can feel my love and I keep him safe.

Little Miss smiles and cooes at me because I have shown here love.

My Husband calls me to remind me to relax and to thank me for making his lunch and coffee this morning. He can feel my love too.

I am just here to love them.

Some days are going to be better than others and today may not have been my day but when I get discouraged and feel like I am not doing enough ... I can just love them!