When my little man struggles ...

I have been open and honest on this blog about my son's struggle with ADHD and his schooling.

In the past we have tried dietary changes which included eliminating dairy. But in early November, after speaking with his classroom teacher and RTI teachers, his father and I decided to put him on medication to treat him.

To be honest I thought that this would be a miracle drug. I thought that it would make things so much easier for me because I would no longer have to pay too close attention to what he is eating.

It had been 3 months and things are not as good as I thought they would be. Little Man is super emotional, not sleeping, and and has a new attitude that I am not crazy about.

We have made contracts so that we are both accountable for our behavior. I will admit it ... I yell! When I have had enough of the disrespectful attitude or when I feel like Little Man is not hearing me, I get loud so he will.

We are both frustrated.

Every time I contact his doctor about his continued lack of focus and attention at school and during homework, their only response is to "up" his medication.

I just don't feel like this is the solution!

I am ready to go back to restricting his diet. (The only problem with that is ... His dad will not follow it on the weekends Little Man is with him.)

It all came to a boiling point this week when Little Man said he no longer wanted to go to school. He wants to know what the point is if he cannot get good grades and he has to "flip his card" for bad behavior.

I can see the defeat in his eyes. And it breaks my heart.

I feel like I am standing and watching as the light fades from his eyes.

When he told me he didn't want to go to school anymore, I said that I could homeschool him, thinking he wouldn't like that. But instead of the resounding "no" I thought I would hear. He got a big smile on his face and said that he would love that.

I feel like I am at a crossroads. I want what is best for him and I know that I am his only advocate. If I homeschool him then he will miss Outdoor Ed next year and all his friends. He won't be able to join the schools basketball team like he has in years past.

His father thinks that homeschooling is a crazy idea. My mother thinks that he would miss school and want to go back. I just don't know what to do.

Nothing seems to be the "right" answer.

I am willing to do anything. I love my Little Man and I want to see the light in his eyes again.