Saturday, January 8, 2011

Becoming a Mom … before you are married. (Part 1)

When I found out I was going to be a mother at 21 years of age I was excited and happy like any other expecting mom would be. But inside within my heart I was terrified.

I was terrified to tell my family and terrified of all the changes that would be taking place.

When I told Jacob’s dad that I was pregnant his reaction was nothing to write home about. He knew that I was going to go to a CareNet pregnancy center to take the pregnancy test and told me to call him after my appointment was over. The first time I called him he didn’t pick up the phone. He was at work.

Since he didn’t answer I called my best friend Jenifer. She did answer and I told her the news and then immediately burst into tears. I drove directly to her house so that she could be there for me.

While I was on the phone with Jenifer balling my eyes out Ryan beeped over on the other line.

I sucked up all the courage I had inside of me, took a deep breath, and swallowed my tears as I clicked over to take his phone call.

He asked out the appointment had went and all I could muster up to say was … yes.

He wanted to know what yes meant and I told him that yes I was pregnant … 4 1/2 weeks along.

Instead of excitement I got an ear full of choice words.

I told him that if he wanted to keep me from crying he would stop saying those words.

So … in his immaturity he told me a joke about a bear and a rabbit. Something about poop sticking to the rabbit’s fur.

Instead of laughing all my defenses and strength left and I promptly burst into uncontrollable tears.

He wanted to leave work to meet me but I told him not to bother because Jenifer would be taking care of me.

When I arrived at Jenifer’s house she told me that we were going to the pool. I put on my bikini the last one I would ever wear that shows my stomach, grabbed a towel, and went to the pool.

I laid on the plastic lounge chair thinking about what was growing inside of me while the sun beat down on my face. To be honest the trip to the pool really helped. I didn’t want to go home because I felt my mom would look at me and just know. So I just sat on the plastic chair until the straps left marks on my legs.

After the pool I went back to Jenifer’s house. Her mom and stepdad were there. The house seemed suffocating so I went outside and sat on the hammock in the front yard.

Natalie (Jenifer’s mom) came outside and sat next to me. As I opened my mouth to talk about something mundane the words “I am pregnant” flew out. She looked at me and said that I ruined the ambiance of the hammock. She then promptly grabbed me up into her arms and told me that somehow she had already known.

After Ryan was done at work he met me over at Jenifer’s parents house. We walked into den and I gave him all the details of the appointment.

I told him that the nice lady at Carenet initially gave me a cup to take to the bathroom with me and told me to return to the office once I filled it.

When I got to the office she handed me a pregnancy test and read me the directions. We followed the directions and then she told that in three minutes we would know the results. She asked me a thousand questions while we waited to see the results. She wanted to know what my family would think if I would in fact be pregnant and if I had a good support system.

Those three minutes felt like a lifetime and then the timer went off. The lady instructed me to pick up the test and if I saw two pink lines the test was positive but if there was only one line the test was negative.

I picked up the test looked at the window and told her that it was negative.

She looked at the test herself and told me to check the results again.

I looked again and told her that the test said I wasn’t pregnant.

She told me that even though the line was faint I was in fact pregnant.

I didn’t cry.

I just sat there.

Since the test was positive she gathered information so that she could tell me when the baby would be due.

I told Ryan that the lady said my due date was March 3, 2003 …  03/03/03.

He didn’t say much.

We left the den and joined the rest of Jenifer’s family in the kitchen.

While Ryan and I were talking Natalie must have told Keith (her husband) that I was pregnant. He had two shots of Crown Royal whiskey sitting on the counter.

He handed one to Ryan and they made a toast to Ryan becoming a dad.

[To be continued]

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed getting caught up on your blog today. Can't wait to read the rest of your story.


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