This morning Dan and I got the two boys ready then headed off to church. I am so thankful that we went. Today was the unofficial ending of the series titled My Church: a work in progress. It was all singing and baptisms. They even had the kids in the church service with us to enjoy the service as well. The boys were not happy about not having children’s church but I was. Jacob ended up asking a million questions about baptism. He has seen pictures of his baby baptism. He concluded that he didn’t have to get baptized again. I told him that getting baptized as a young adult is different than being baptized as a baby. (Side Note: He was baptized in a Catholic church not because I wanted it but because his grandma and great grandma really wanted it. Thinking back now I would never have done it but I can’t go back and change it now.) I reminded Jacob that being baptized would be his choice. Once he accepts Jesus as his Lord and Savior and knows that he is a sinner made pure by Jesus he can be baptized again. He seems to be still too young to fully understand the magnitude. That is fine by me. He is too young and when it makes sense it will then be his time.
On a separate note I had a mini meltdown today that I am not proud of. Dan and I sat down to enjoy a movie and the kids were playing in Jacob’s room. The minute the movie started Dan felt it was necessary to have Christian sit down and do his reading homework. Needless to say, I lost it. I turned off the movie, threw the remote, set down my ice cream, and marched off to my room. (After typing it out I don’t know if it is really categorized as mini – meltdown. Full blown seems to be more accurate.) Sometimes I don’t understand why he does the things he does.
So I must admit …. I am a control freak!
I want things down my way all the time. I like to do everything myself because then 1) I know it will get done 2) It will get done the way I want it to and 3) I am afraid everything will fall apart if I don’t do it myself.
I used to think being independent was honorable, courageous, and smart but now I am thinking it isn’t. Now I am just thinking that it is stupid.
I know I can’t always have things my way. I also know that I push people away when I take control of too much. How can someone else fit in my life if I never need them for anything?
I have sadly enough been doing the same thing to God. I have pushed him out of my life thinking that I can do it all on my own. I know that is that is the wrong way to think.
I am not sure how to change how I behave. I know that I have to give over my control to God. I really want to do that. I know it isn’t going to be easy.
So tonight, as I am making dinner and still pouting (actually I am embarrassed by my childish behavior) from the blow out I about 2 hours ago I am throwing in the towel. I am waving the white flag and surrendering to God. I am giving Him it all. We all know He can take control of my life way better than I can.
And … I am thankful for finally submitting to him.
I am a sinner.
I fall short of the glory of God everyday!
I have been cleansed of all my sins.
God needs to have my all and then I can draw closer to Him.
Tonight I am thankful for all I have been given!