Monday, October 19, 2009

Not sure how to feel about this

I just met with my advisor at school and it didn't go as I thought it would. Basically, she told me that I still have a ton of work to do. I have a million classes left to take (mostly science which I am not a fan of) and a bunch of pre-clinicals to do as well. Also, the emphasis I chose she doesn't like but if I chose a different one I will be at school longer. The next two years are going to be really tough. Financially I am not sure how I am going to make it. Emotionally I don't think I can take it. God really must have wanted me to go through this. I know I am strong and I know that I can make it happen but I am worried about tomorrow.

With all the classes I will need to take I don't find it reasonable to get a job. How can I balance Jacob, school, the home, and a job? Something isn't going to be able to be on that list.

This is when I wish that Dan and I were married because then I would feel better about him helping me. Is that wrong to say? I am not saying I would only marry him so he could support me ... I didn't mean it that way. But it would be nice to have his support anyway.

Ok let's see if I can explain this better ....
You know the song "Ain't to proud to beg" by The Temptations ....
Well I am too proud ... I know it is wrong ... but I despise asking for help.
I won't beg.

I can't

Not gonna happen

Maybe this is what God is trying to teach me? Hmm

Anyway, I am in for the long haul and I hope when I graduate I will come out better on the other side.

Sorry about this post but I had to vent.
I still haven't decided if I am going to cry. I probably will later tonight. Crying in the middle of Benedictine's hallway doesn't sound appealing.


  1. Oh I have had these moments in life recently. I found it important to remeber that the priority cant be money.Jacob and school need to be your priority even if it means going without sometimes.

    thinking of you,


  2. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how frustrating this feeling must be! I agree with Roxanne. Your priority is your little boy and finishing school. Good luck!

  3. Oh, I don't know your situation exactly but I think I can relate. My husband and I weren't married when I was finishing college. I took out student loans to cover my tuition and my gas. I worked enough to pay for pretty much all of our groceries but hubby's income covered all of our other bills and living expenses. It was really hard for me because I am usually too proud to take financial help from others. When we would have an argument he would slip and say something about HIS house and that would really hurt. The nice part is that now I know I can count on him and as couple we know we could live on his income if we absolutely had to. My income is kind of a bonus now and lets us do improvements and pay off debt.

    I hope things get better for you. :)

  4. I will be sure to say a prayer for you tonight. I hope you did allow yourself the chance to just let it out. Sometimes it doesn't do much to change the situation, but it just helps to feel like you got it all out and you can start fresh!


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