To be honest, my life doesn't seem like my own right now.
I am waking up early to get myself showered and dressed and then packing Jacob's lunch, and then finally waking my sleepy head to get him ready.
I drop him off at school and then I dash off to school myself.
I sit in class wondering if I should comment on what is going on or answer a question. Am I right in what I am thinking or am I wrong? If I say it out loud will the professor wonder what I am doing in that class to begin with.
Then after classes I get Jacob.
If it is Wednesday, we have soccer practice.
If it isn't Wednesday, we have a dinner to make and Jacob's homework to do.
After the dishes are cleared, I put Jacob to bed.
At nine o'clock my night is just beginning. I still have my homework to do.
I read, I write, I type, and I think. I look through notes and syllabus' in order to make sense of my new chaos.
I am overwhelmed and super tired.
Even though I am exhausted I am waking up atleast a half a dozen times during the night.
I know this is exactly what I wanted. I knew that it wasn't going to be easy.
I look at my house and I have laundry to put away or clothes to wash. I see tables that need to be wiped down and counters that are sticky.
It is hard to handle my new life.
I am making no money and I wasn't able to get a loan to help pay some of my bills. I need a cosigner and no one is willing to cosign for me. Well maybe that is a little dramatic but no one can cosign for me. They either have kids that are about to go off to college, kids in college, bad credit, a house to sell, another house to pay for, or they don't like the idea of cosigning.
I am not sure how I am going to fit a part time job into the mix of everything I already have going on.
I did stop by a restaurant, got the application, and filled it out but I am struggling to find time to go in and hand it in to them. What hours would I write down?
I know that this is going to make my life easier in the long run but now I am just wiped out, overwhelmed, and exhausted.
I haven't been to church in two weeks. And before that I wasn't there in a month. How is that for honesty?
I guess I am looking for a little encouragement. I guess I am looking for someone to tell me everything is going to be ok.
I know God says "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
I need to go to church is what I really need to do. I need to make right with God. I need to get my soul cleaned and refreshed and restored.
I know at church (Harvest Bible) we are discussing the seven churches found in Revelations. My mom is loving the series.
Thank you for taking this very long and pity filled walk with me. What do you do when you need a little encouragement? What is going on in your life?