Thursday, October 1, 2009

The Cowardly Lion

Oh how I wish I wasn't cowardly. Today would be one of those days that I am wishing for some courage.

Last night at Jacob's soccer practice one of the other parents came up to me and asked me if I knew why "K" switched classes. I told her that I knew she had switched classes but I was unaware of the circumstances behind it. This parent then goes on to say that Jacob was the cause of the little girl switching classes.


Oh and she continues .... she said Jacob was hugging "K" so much that she couldn't be in the same class as him.


So I leave soccer practice, needless to say, PISSED!

As soon as I got home I wrote a letter to the teacher asking for an explanation on what really happened.

Then I asked Jacob why "K" left his class and went into the other first grade classroom. He said that "K" cried all the time because her best friend was in the other classroom. I knew that couldn't be the reason but that is what Jacob thought.

So this afternoon, Jacob's teacher called to fill me in on the situation.

The teacher said "K"s mom wrote a two page letter saying she didn't feel comfortable with Jacob in "K"s class because Jacob always was hugging on her and that Jacob's behavior was inappropriate.

The teacher said she never saw any inappropriate behavior between Jacob and "K" but felt it was best to just switch "K" to the other class.

So now what do I do.

I am angry with "K"s parents because they never discussed any of this with me. Don't you think you would have if it was that upsetting to you?

And now the rumor in our small town is that Jacob is behaving inappropriate. I don't want other parents thinking that about my son. Jacob is a good boy and he wouldn't do anything inappropriate on purpose.

Should I call the parents of "K" to discuss this? I am not confrontational by nature but I would take a stance for my son's behalf.

I remember when my 10 year old brother was in first grade another child was caught bringing kids into his garage and licking their behinds. The mother of the child that was doing this said it was a child's natural curiosity and that nothing should be thought about it.

I don't know what to think.

Are your children huggers? Has anyone ever said anything regarding your child's behavior? How would you handle this?


  1. To this other mother I say...FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!

    All she had to do was ask the teacher to contact you with the request that you address it. Seems very hyper sensitive (not to mention overly dramatic) of her to pull her daughter out of the class that way and to even mention the situation to anyone else.

    I'm sorry your business is all over your town. Your son is normal and now she looks dramatic.

  2. Hi! I saw your post over at MckMama's forum.

    If I was in your situation there are two things I would do. First, I would definitely talk to "K's" parents. You need to know what was going on and they need to know that how they went about the problem was not ok. I do believe they should have come to you first, especially if you know these parents. They also need to know how hurtful it is to have people think bad things about your son when you know it is not true and how they should not be telling other parents this stuff regardless of whether it is true or not. Second, I would talk to the principal and find out why you were never notified of what was going on. My mom is a teacher and I know that schools don't just move a kid to another class unless there is a VERY good reason. If the teacher never saw anything happen then they shouldn't have moved her. If there was something going on then you absolutely should have been notified so you could have taken care of the situation.

    Good luck and let us know what happens! Sorry you are having to put up with this.

  3. I agree with the previous commenter (Bellismom). As a teacher of young children I would be very cautious about the moving of students between classes. I just had a parent request a child be switched into the other 1st grade section. The principal refused to switch the student because there were no concerns from me, the parents were just requesting because that is what their child wanted.

    I would go to both the parent and the principal. In dealing with the both I would ask for specifics about what happened. If I were the teacher I would want to hear it from both of the kids persepectives as well. Kids even at this young age can be very manipulative, they will tell their parents differently then their teacher, most of the time I have found that they tell their teachers the truth. I would ask the teacher and principal for documentation, tell them that the situation is public and it is unfair to your family not to know what has happened.

  4. I think the lack of communication between the teacher and you would be the most frustrating. When a teacher doesn't voice her concerns (ANY concerns) it drives me batty! Her responsibility more than the other mom's. The other mom just sounds overdramatic :(

  5. I don't think your son did anything inappropriate whatsoever! It's unfortunate that the mother of "K" didn't come to you, it's what I would have done.

    When my brothers were young a cousin of theirs (diffirent dads) who was close to the same age did some very inappropriate things with them. Things he shouldn't have any idea about, which led us to believe it was something that had been done to him. Anyway, when my mother found out what happened, she confronted his mother she went into complete denial. There's been a rift, for that and many other reasons since.

    I think that if your child gets involved with something inappropriate happening it's your job as their parent to speak up about it and discuss it with other parents! Don't get me wrong, though, I don't think your son did anything wrong and that other mother sounds a bit off.

  6. I found your blog throught mcmamas forum.
    Im so sorry your going through this, i think you got some really good advice from the above posters so im not gonna repeat them. If this were me i would be VERY frustrated, there is NO excuse for you not knowing.. hope that things end up being able to be worked out in a smooth manner g/l :)

  7. Can we say "drama mama" (the other one, not you)? As a former first grade teacher, I worked at a school for 5 years where the principal just didn't feel like dealing with "overdramatic" parents so he would move a child just to get the parents out of his hair. That could have been the situation here as well, especially if the principal asked the teacher about it and she siad she never noticed anything inappropriate. I would also say, How dare that mother ("K's") for spreading these rumors about your child! Maybe you should request a conference with your child's teacher, the principal and "K's" parents. That's what should have been done to begin with to clear everything up. You said your son told you "K" was crying all the time because she missed her friend. Maybe he was hugging her to try to make her feel better and be a friend to her. I've had some students in the past that would do that whenever a classmate was's not inappropriate, it's called friendship, compassion, and child with a craing heart. Good luck to you and I really hope you can get to the bottom of this.

  8. Wow if hugs are inappropriate I'm in trouble!

    I wouldn't confront the parents-it would probably escalate the drama.

    I know exactly what you mean about not wanting ppl to think badly of your child b/c of someone's overreacting.

    I do think the teacher should have talked to you though.

  9. I'm not reading others' comments so if these is a duplicate, I'm sorry. I would say, take a few days to calm down before actually phoning, but do phone eventually. I mean soonish. Just amke sure you're not still angry with the other parents. I think hostility would only hurt your son's and K's relationship even more. Could you call and ask what happened and why you weren't called first? Or maybe try and see if you can get together with the kids ?

    I know my son can sometimes seem overbearing. He's really affectionate. I noticed this annoyed some moms (which makes no sense at all to me...he was just hugging!) But my son and I had a long talk about how people need space and not everyone wants to be hugged all the time. So now, I make him ask before he hugs if it's someone outside of the family (my own kids can learn to take a hug for the team). He's doing really well but it's about consistency with him. Let us know how it turns out!

  10. I'm a MckMama lurker.

    I agree with Staci. I would also only meet the other parents with the principal and I would request the teacher as well since she has first hand knowlege.

    Document EVERYTHING! Even if you think it's insignificant, write it down. It saved us one time.

    Normally I love small towns but this is one time it's painful with all the rumors.

    Praying that everything settles down with no reprecussions to your son.

    Connie F-G

  11. You have already received a lot of great advice on here, and I would agree that you need to talk to "K"'s mom - not necessarily in a confronting manner, but maybe in a meeting with you, she and the teacher involved. Let her know that you are upset by the accusations she has brought against your son and that you would like to talk more about it. It's definitely wrong on her part to make this assumption, and VERY wrong on the part of the teacher not to involve you when the accusations were being made against your child. Wow .. I would be very angry!

  12. I agree with some of the other commenters. I think you should meet with the other parents, the principal and the teacher. I think that everything needs to be cleared up and gotten to the bottom of. You don't want your child accused of anything and if the other child is making up stories then she needs to know that is inappropriate.


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