Oh yes I do! And let me tell you that it is not as glamorous as it may sound. It is really hard to have a baby daddy. I don't like it one bit. We will call Jacob's dad "R". I may have said his name on here before but let's just pretend I didn't.
Reasons I don't like having a Baby Daddy
1. I don't like to share. Having to share Jacob on the weekends is awful. I want him all the time.
2. I have to plan my life in 2 week increments. I don't want to check the calender to see if I have Jacob so that he can go to a birthday party or a family function.
3. I am selfish. I want all Jacob's love, kisses, hugs all the time.
4. I am a control freak. I want to know what Jacob is watching, eating, doing, and playing at all times. I don't want him to watch or do anything that I don't find appropriate.
5. I don't like to share. (I know I already said this one but it is worth repeating!) I want every single holiday with Jacob. Holidays are important and I don't want to juggle Christmas or New Years Eve.
Being a single mom is really hard and this weekend I really felt it. The second Jacob left with his dad I started crying. It is hard to be without him. REALLY REALLY HARD. When he is gone I always feel like I am missing something. I run back into the house 2 or 3 times wondering what I forgot and then I realize that it is Jacob.
To be honest, it wasn't my decision to not be with R. He broke up with me when Jacob was 6 months old. Maybe that is why I struggle with these things.
Saturday at Jacob's soccer game R's new girlfriend was there. I couldn't even look at her. It hurts my heart. I don't understand how R is willing to work on a relationship with someone else when he wasn't willing to work on a relationship with me. I just hate the fact that Jacob is part of a broken family.
Maybe I am whiny! I don't know. I am trying to learn to live with the reality that Jacob's dad gave us.
Does anyone else struggle with living with a decision that someone else made for you? Or is it just me?
Walk in His Strength
Mindy
***** Also, beccad I tried to get to your website and I don't have the address. Please leave it for me so I can check out your blog.
This post just broke my heart. I'm so sorry that you are going through all of these emotions. I honestly do not know how you single mamas hold it all together. I will be lifting you up in prayer. God will give you strength. You are a strong woman. My blog is www.harberclan.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you, mama, for getting through a hard weekend. I'm nowhere near being a single mom, but when my husband used to travel for work I would think about how hard it must be for moms who do it alone 100 percent of the time plus who have to work for a living. I so admire you, and I'm sorry that R doesn't get what he's doing to his family. But God has plans for us that we don't always understand, and maybe this is part of His plan for you.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness bless your heart! I cannot imagine having to share my child and be apart from him that often.
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up!