Most Days ...

Most days ....

I am not sad that I don't have good friends.

I love staying home, cuddled up on the couch with my little ones.

I love making dinner and then cleaning the kitchen spotless.

I have a clean house but there will always laundry to be done.

I don't mind the gross 70's tile that is breaking under our feet as you walk in the door.

I don't mind that the vinyl tile in the kitchen is dirty no matter how many times I scrub it on my hands and knees.

I don't worry about money because I know that God will provide.

I don't want to spend money on new clothes/new car/new furniture.

But today ...

I am struggling with the fact that I don't not have any close friends. I felt like I used to but they are not who they used to be anymore. Maybe I am not who I used to be. They have hurt my feelings from the time I got engaged, had a bachelorette party, had a wedding shower, got married and had my baby shower. If this is how friends treat one another ... count me out!

I feel like I need another purpose in life. I still love staying home and cuddling with my Little's but when money gets tight and we owe more than we make I feel like I am being selfish by staying home.

Cooking has been my outlet lately. I am trying to buy my produce from the farmer's market. While I do still stick to my budget I would love to go crazy at Whole Foods buying quinoa and steak. I have tried several recipes from Pinterest and from the book Bread & Wine. {Hopefully I will post about this soon.}

I love having a clean house but lately my head is just spinning. It is hard to concentrate on all the needs to be done when I feel like I am on the verge of tears. Laundry is becoming my kryptonite so much so that I try not to even go downstairs.

The tile in our foyer is super gross and it is breaking in multiple spots. Let's just say that if I find Little Miss with a piece in her mouth ... I may just lose it! We did talk to our landlord about this but nothing has gotten done.

The vinyl tile in our kitchen is beginning to gross me out. It drives me batty to watch Little Miss crawling all over it when it looks so dirty. I have searched Pinterest for "miracle" cleaning solutions and have used the Magic Eraser but the dirty look is still there.

We have 2 trips planned for this summer. Next weekend we leave for the Wisconsin Dells and then in August we are going to Port Aransas, Texas. I am not sure how we are going to afford this but I am praying about it and God will provide for us.

I want new clothes so that I can wear something that fits instead of falls off. {Yes I am happy about losing weight but not being able to afford to buy new clothes ... just stinks} We need a new car. The SUV we have now sometimes gives me a hard time when I try to start it. The window doesn't want to go up or down. I just would like something bigger to fit us better. New furniture has been a dream for 4 years now. I don't like brown/green or red animal print/zebras. This isn't my taste. 

I feel bitter and raw right now. I am trying to count my blessings and see all the wonderful things I have in my life but it is hard. 

I feel down.

I feel scared.

I know God has plans for us. Really really great plans. 

So today, I may cry. I might clean the house. I will count my blessings. I will love on my Littles. I will kiss my husband when he comes home from work. I will make dinner and clean the kitchen. I will give Little Miss her nightly bath. I will say my prayers.