Thursday, January 13, 2011

Becoming a Mom … before you are married (Part 3)

As my Mom sat at the end of the bed I looked everywhere but in her eyes. I repeated my question, “Mom, you promise you won’t get mad?”

“Oh Mindy, just tell me already!”

I didn’t know how to put my news gently so I just spurted it out. No good words. No calm voice.

“I’m pregnant!”

I will never forget the look on her face as she absorbed the shock of my news. She just sat there at the end of my bed. I sat there too. Neither one of us spoke any words.

In what seemed like an eternity she jumped from the bed and yelled, “How could you be so stupid?”

She stomped out of my room and walked down the hall.

I knew that she was still processing so I just sat there.

A few minutes later she walked back into my room, looked at me, and then walked back out.

She just kept doing that; over and over again.

I didn’t dare move.

I didn’t dare speak.

For the last time that evening, she re-entered my room.

“Why would you do this?” And the tears just fell.

I knew I disappointed her.

I knew this wasn’t what she wanted for her only daughter.

I knew that our family had been through enough to last a lifetime.

After that she just went to here room. Knowing her I doubt she slept a wink. 

I know that I didn’t sleep at all.

Even though my Mom was disappointed and hurt I did feel a sense of relief after I told her.

I knew I would need her support throughout this pregnancy and I knew that eventually she would be excited about her very first grandchild.

Shortly after I told my Mom, Ryan’s Mom decided that she really wanted to talk to Ryan and I together.

I felt very nervous about dinner. I didn’t know what to expect since I laid low and didn’t go around Ryan’s house since his parents heard the news.

Ryan told me that she was upset but since I didn’t get to see her emotions I was sure what “upset” meant.

Ryan and I met his Mom at the restaurant she had chosen. We both arrived around the same time.

I just looked at her face to see if I could sense what was about to come. But all she did was smile so I set my guard done to enjoy a nice evening.

Maybe I should have left my guard up a little.(Hind sight is 20/20 .. isn’t it)

As we sat down at the table, before the bread came out, the questions began.

How are you going to raise this baby?

Are you guys going to get married?

Do you know how to even take care of a baby?

Are you sure you want to have this baby?

Don’t you think you are a little too young to have a baby?

And so on … and so on.

I thought Ryan would have spoken up since it was his Mom but instead he just looked at me. I felt like I was under attack and instead of Ryan sticking up for me he pushed me further into the line of fire.

I felt like I had to defend myself.

I tried to remind her that I have a four year old brother who I take care of.

Nothing seemed to help.

Dinner dragged on forever.

By the end of the evening I was emotionally drained.

I went home and prayed. Probably cried a little too.

Why am I the only one excited about this baby?

{To be Continued}

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