Monday, October 18, 2010

When My Little Boy Cries

When my little boy cries it is because his mom and dad aren’t “boyfriend and girlfriend” and I feel horrible.

To be honest I don’t know what to tell him. Some information doesn’t need to be shared with a 7 year old boy. But he wants to know. He misses something he has never known.

So last night on the front porch as tears trickled down his face Jacob shared with me what he wanted.

“Mom, do you think that you and dad can hang out without me or Dan?”

“No Jacob your dad and I only hang out when you are around.”

“But Mom if you and dad hang out without me then you can just be boyfriend and girlfriend. I want to only have one house with just you and dad in it.”

“Jacob, your dad and I haven’t been boyfriend and girlfriend since you were a little baby. We are not going to be boyfriend and girlfriend again. I have a boyfriend and your dad has a new girlfriend.”

“Mom, I like Dan and dad’s girlfriend but I would like it better if it was just you two.”

“I know honey. This must be very hard for you but unfortunately we won’t be together again. I am sorry that this makes you sad but there is nothing I can do about it. I loved your daddy very much and I was sad when we broke up but I will always love your daddy for giving you to me.”

The tears just kept coming and with that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore until … this morning.

He brought it up once again and I just kept repeating that it won’t happen and that I was very sorry.

It is amazing that this conversation happens every time his dad gets a new girlfriend. To be honest I am getting sick of it.  I have repeatedly talked to Jacob’s dad about not bringing his new girlfriends around when the relationship isn’t serious. But obviously he isn’t listening to me. 

This new girlfriend is a lot older than he is and is a Desperate Housewives wannabe  a mother herself.  Jacob’s dad worked on her house and then she asked him out. There is nothing like a 37 year old mother/housewife dating her 28 year old carpenter. 

Jacob’s dad doesn’t realize that by bringing a lot of girls in and out of Jacob’s life affects him in a non positive way.

When you only have your son 2 weekends a month the girlfriend needs to find something else to do on those weekends. Because when they break up Jacob is apart of the break up too!

My heart is a little heavy this morning and Jacob got out of the car for school looking a little sad. I wish I could take his pain away and put his family together for his sake.

I didn’t choose this life for Jacob and I would have turned myself inside out to make it different. His dad choose this for us and today it makes me angry.

Can anyone relate to this? Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?


  1. I am so sorry both of you are going through this. Belli isn't quite old enough to be asking questions like that but I know she will get there one day. I agree with you completely about the girlfriend thing. I have already had to deal with it once and I'm sure it won't be the last. Hang in there!

  2. Bellismom - Thank you so much for your comment. This has been the hardest thing to deal with. I wish Jacob's dad would just realize that he is hurting our son by bringing the new girlfriend around. I have had to deal with this a couple of times and it is only getting worse. You hang in there too. Raising children without the other parent is the hardest job in the world.

  3. I know. They just don't seem to realize how much it effects children. My ex started dating someone (who had a son Belli's age) and every time Belli was over there so was the girl. She got SO attached to the girl and her son and then *poof* they were gone. This was about seven months ago and she still asks about them. It breaks my heart.

  4. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I don't have any advice to give, but I will keep you in my prayers!

    I had to transfer my blog. My new one is if you want to come over! :D


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