Monday, June 21, 2010

My blessed soon-to-be blended family

My Stick Family from

Let me start this post by saying …. No Dan and I are not engaged. We are however in talks of getting married in the near future but he hasn’t asked and I haven’t said yes … yet.

Being in a blended family relationship is difficult and while the Brady Bunch idealized these relationships it is not always the case.

First of all it is not just your typical dating relationship involving 3 hour midnight phone calls, long walks on the beach, and fly bye the seat of your pants dates. It is more than just Dan and I involved.

To understand the complexity of such a relationship you have to see all the relationships involved.

The first and most important relationship is of course 1.My relationship with Dan.

Then you have …

2. My relationship with my son.

3. His relationship with his son.

4. My son and his son’s relationship.

5. My relationship with his son.

6. His relationship with my son.

7. His relationship with his ex-wife.

8. My relationship with my ex-boyfriend.

9. My relationship with his ex-wife.

10. His relationship with my ex-boyfriend.

That is a lot of relationships involved just because Dan and I want to date!

Besides the number of relationships involved in blended family dating you also have to deal with baggage from past relationships.

I have to be able to help Dan overcome issues he had with his ex-wife and he has to help me overcome issues I have with my ex-boyfriend.

Communication is the key ingredient in all of those relationships but it is not always easy.

Yesterday was an extremely tough day for both Dan and I because of lack of communication.

There was a lot of hurt feelings, feelings of loneliness, and my own touch of insecurity.

To start, I do not like Father’s Day because I miss my father and I do not like to miss him.

I become insecure when I am waiting on someone to come home because I have had people in my life never come back home.

I sit and I waited … fury was beginning to boil over … insecurity crept into every crevice … but I was the only one upset.

Dan and his son went fishing … I feel fishing lasts 2 or 3 hours … Dan feels fishing lasts all day and into the evening. Communication Error #1

Dan wanted his son to stay the night and hang out with me and Jacob for the day … I knew nothing about this and Jacob has basketball camp for the next two weeks. Communication Error #2

Dan’s cell phone died shortly after starting his fishing adventure. Communication Error #3

Dinner was made … table was set … I sat waiting … and waiting … ate dinner alone. Dan was unaware of my dinner plans. Communication Error #4

A lot of unkind words were said and fighting ensued. This could have been easily avoided if we just talked about this before hand.

So in light of my new … keeping it fresh, simple, and without expectation summer … I am also adding keep the lines of communication open to my list. That way my blessed soon-to-be blended family will be happier with a lot less hurt feelings.

I love my blessed soon-to-be blended family and I can’t imagine my life any other way.

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