Many people have called me Type A and a perfectionist. For many years I loved that description of myself. Why wouldn’t I?
I always felt happiest when my house was perfectly clean, my son was perfectly dressed, and my school papers came back with beautiful red A+ on them.
I thought my strive for perfection only affected me. I was the only one who had to worry about being perfect, right?
Umm … NO!
In the past two weeks I have learned that my strive for perfection affects everyone and not in a good way.
On Easter Sunday the morning did not start off right. My boyfriend and I were immediately at each other’s throats. It only got worse as we drove to brunch with Christian, Jacob, and Matthew in the car.
Our brunch was located between multiple one way streets and we had to drive around the block in order to park. Being the perfectionist that I am I told Dan how to drive. As we drove around the block we came upon a street that I didn’t think was correct. I told Dan to go to the next street before turning.
Needless to say I was wrong.
Dan and I began fighting … really bad. We were yelling and my little man began crying. By the time we got to brunch I didn’t feel like celebrating Easter at all.
Dan told me that I criticize everything he does. I criticize the way he speaks, the way he drives, and the way he dresses.
WHAM! His words hit me like a ton of bricks! I didn’t think I did that. I didn’t even notice how my words and my need for things to be perfect affected him.
Then on Tuesday Jacob got his third trimester report card. As I looked over the many check minus’s my heart sunk. We have worked so hard this past trimester I was totally surprised that it didn’t show on his report card.
I asked Jacob why there were not +’s on his report card. He told me if I wanted a child who got +’s on his report card to be Catherine’s mother!
WHAM! Again ton of bricks hitting me straight between the eyes.
So instead of continuing on a path that is alienating me from my boyfriend and my child … I give up! I don’t want to be known as the girlfriend or the mother that is never satisfied. So I am changing my heart. Praying to God to change me.
I know it will be a long road but this is so important.
Is it just me or do you struggle with the idea of being perfect?