I am Afraid {Day 7}

Sorry I am running a little bit behind schedule on the Blog Every Day in May challenge! But that is life!

So today I will be catching back up.

Day 7's prompt is (was) ...

The things you are most afraid of

To be honest. I am afraid of a lot of things ... 

heights

wild animals

other people driving while I am a passenger

but there are 2 things that terrify me.

never getting ahead financially

not being intentional with my children.

I have talked about our financial situation on the blog before. We are currently struggling to pay our bills and rent. It isn't easy. I try to budget but then something always comes up. We have a little bit of money and then we are overdrawn. Some days feel like we will never get ahead. I long for a home that we can call ours forever. I want to plant a garden. I want to have paint on the walls that isn't off white. I want to stamp our name on every inch of our own place. Right now if just doesn't seem like we are ever going to get out of this financial rut. I know that I can do something about it. I know that I can go back to work full time and put Little Miss in day care. But that leads me to my second fear.

If I work full time will my children suffer for it. How will Little Man get to soccer practice? Will I be around when Little Miss says her first word or takes her first steps? Will I become so overwhelmed with house work and laundry that I barely spend time with them? The thought of dropping Little Miss off at day care scares me to the core. Now don't get me wrong ... Little Man was in day care from the time he was 3 months old until he started kindergarten. And he is wonderful! But Little Miss has only been out of my care 2 times in 8 months. Does financial security over ride being a stay at home mom to my kids? 

I think about these things often. My husband thinks I need to work full time. I don't know what to think. So for now I will be praying and applying for jobs. Hoping that God will provide me an opportunity to be the mother I want to be and help share the financial burden with my husband.

Would you like a cup of coffee with me?

It has been a very long two weeks for me. My mind feels like it is on constant alert and I am just exhausted.

If you were here with me to enjoy a cup of coffee {with cream and sugar} or a cup of tea {with milk and sugar} I would tell you ...

That Little Miss is not a good sleeper. She goes down easily but then wakes up 30 minutes later screaming. She does nap better than she sleeps at night but we are both tired and irritable. {She does look quite happy here though}

 

She is standing up all the time now! She loves this activity table and would play with it all day if I let her. The only down side of her standing is that she cannot sit down from this position and screams until you help her sit down. 

 Our town has been declared in a state of emergency due to flooding. Fortunately, we are safe, the power has remained on, and there has been no flooding in our house.Some people are not as fortunate! The National Guard has been here taking families out of their homes by boat.

 We tried to go on a walk but there were very few roads we could walk down. Little Miss was happy that we were out of the house. She is definitely an outside kind of baby. We have been trying to walk 2 to 3 times a day but the last two days we have stayed inside due to all the rain.

 

I applied for a teaching position at a home school university. I went in for the initial interview, observed the class for a few hours, and then taught a history lesson. I just got word that I didn't get the job but that there are some substitute opportunities and possibly a Kindergarten/First grade position open. This job would have been the perfect fit for my family but God has other plans for me.

My husband is also struggling with his job. The company he works for used to be a wonderful company. They put family first and had several benefits. Now ... the benefits are very few and my husband is burnt out. I feel like God is trying to get us to take a step of faith because He will provide for us.

There is an opportunity to watch two boys for the summer. I am praying that this will be right for my family and would make our finances a little better.

Also, I have started going to the women's bible study at church. The study is on James by Beth Moore. I have loved meeting new friends and I really look forward to going on Wednesday mornings. 

Then, my husband and I are taking a parenting class to get Little Miss dedicated on Mother's Day. {Last year's Mother's Day I was graduating from college} We ran late last week so hopefully this week we will be on time. {I can't stand being late but it happens so often}

In August my sister in law is getting married in Port Aransas, Texas so we are planning a family road trip. {18 hours in the car with 3 kids ... doesn't that just spell F-U-N} We have saved some money but we will need more in order to make this a family vacation. Pray that we can get the funds we need so we can be there for her and her soon to be husband. 

So if you were hear today sharing a coffee or a tea with me... That is what I would tell you. I would lay my heart out on the table. I would ask for prayers for everything that is going on.  If I shared coffee with you what would you share?

Burning the Midnight Oil

I seriously can't sleep and I am e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d!!

Little Miss is not a very good napper or night time sleeper so she is basically attached to my hip all day long. {I do put her down to play with her toys and she does well as long as I don't leave her line of vision!}

Also, since this week is Spring Break the boys are home with me all - day- long!

They are loud and rambunctious! Typical boys but that does not go along with Little Miss's idea of a good nap. She hears them giggle and she instantly wakes up!

So now the only time I get to be alone without anyone needing anything is night time.

Or until Little Miss feels the need to come into our bed which is typically around 5 am.

I love her to pieces but this Momma is tired!

What baby sleep advice can you share??

Breastfeeding {7 month update}

I still can't believe it but I have been breastfeeding for 7 months now! Wow time does go by very quickly!

This little one has done such a wonderful job nursing and I couldn't be happier that we have stuck with it!

To be honest, in the beginning of this journey {yes it is a journey} I didn't know if I was fully up for the challenge. I stocked up on formula just in case breastfeeding wasn't for me. {obviously I didn't give myself enough credit}

Right after Little Miss was born we did have some struggles with latching on and I was in a lot of pain. I do remember at one point calling my mom and telling her that it felt like Little Miss was hiding razor blades in her mouth. It was a continuous fight to not just throw in the towel. I spoke to 2 close friends who helped me teach Little Miss to correct her latch. {Only a wide open mouth gets rewarded!! Best advice ever!!} Also, I was told that by by 2 months it wouldn't hurt any more.

So getting to 2 months was my goal. If it still hurt then I was d-o-n-e!

I continued to cry at each feeding but then miraculously it stopped hurting ... exactly at 2 months.

Whew!! I don't know how we would have been able to afford to buy formula on our tight income!

While my milk supply was stabilizing I would pump once a day in the morning just to make sure I was fully empty. But I stopped pumping almost altogether in the beginning of February.

I am still a fan of the on demand feeding schedule and that seems to work for us!

Now breastfeeding in public is a totally different story. I have only attempted to breastfeed in public 1 time {unless you count nursing in the car} because Little Miss was completely inconsolable. It was at Little Man's indoor soccer game. I went to the front desk at asked the woman if there was a private place I could feed my baby. {I would have gone to the car if it wasn't so cold outside} She said that there was a lounge area on the second floor.

I rushed up the stairs to the second floor with my screaming baby. I walked the halls back and forth and never saw a private lounge area. But then I noticed a bunch of comfy type chairs in the hallway. {It felt like a light bulb when off} Duh ... this is the lounge. Right out in the open for the whole club to see! Hmm what to do.

I still had a screaming baby so I did what any logical mother would do.

I sat down in one of the comfy chairs and feed my baby. She quieted down and fell asleep.

Needless to say that in a sports complex only dudes are walking around. I did get a lot of stares but no one said anything. {I am seriously terrified of making a scene or getting yelled at when it comes to breastfeeding in public ... oh the anxiety}

All in all, breastfeeding is wonderful!! I love my bonding time with Little Miss!

Backseat Conversations

I find it humorous that Little Man and I can have such amazing conversations about God while driving to school. It always seems to be the most perfect time to discuss BIG things in such a SHORT amount of time.

For a little prior knowledge, there is a little boy in our neighborhood that doesn't seem to get along with the other children. He is constantly tattling and when he tattles his mother comes down to our end of the block to yell at the other children. It had gotten so bad that by the end of last summer I just told Little Man to ignore the boy and pretend like he was invisible. {I think this was because having a new baby at home just made me tired and ornery. And to be honest ... I just didn't want to deal with the mother.}

Fast forward to this morning ...
Little Man saw the little boy getting into the car to go to school. Little Man said, "Oh Look Mom the fat annoying kid is getting into his car. He never goes outside and he should probably run around outside to lose some weight."

I couldn't believe the mean words that were coming out of my sweet little boy's mouth. My immediate response would have been to just yell. {I admit I am a yeller.} But instead I asked Little Man a question. I asked, "Do you think your behavior is like God's behavior?"

In the rear view mirror I saw a look of disappointment spreading across his face. He mumbled the word no a little under his breath obviously embarrassed of how he was just talking.

I then asked another series questions ... "Who does God love? Does he love only skinny people or happy people?"

Little Man immediately knew the answer ... "NO! God loves everyone!"

"You are right Little Man he loves everyone. He loves skinny people, heavy people, happy people, sad people, rich people, and poor people. And that is what our behavior needs to show. Our words need to be words that God would use. Our lives need to look like how God would live His life."

To that he responded ... "Then Mom today I am only going to ask what God would do before I speak or play with my friends."

{I was impressed because he does not know about the What Would Jesus Do?! }

I told him that I would pray that he would do just that. He seemed satisfied with our chat and then began singing an obnoxious song about a porcupine eating a carrot. {Yet another YouTube video song that is now stuck in my head}

Some days it feels like those 10 minutes of uninterrupted time are not quite enough time but today it was just the perfect amount!

I love our backseat conversations.

My Wee Ones are sick

To be honest I thought I would be posting some super cute pictures of my Little's in St. Patrick's day gear but both of them came down with some nasty fevers!

It all started on Friday when Little Man woke up extra early to tell me he had a headache. I told him that if he took a shower and an advil he would probably feel better. So he did and ... he did. He felt better.

At around 11 am I received a phone call from school that Little Man had a temperature and I needed to come pick him up.

As soon as I arrived at school he was nearly in tears. He said he felt awful and just wanted to go to bed. {If you know my Little Man ... he never wants to go to bed.}

He pretty much slept all afternoon until his dad came to pick him up for the weekend. It felt really weird to let my sick little one leave the nest for the weekend but I knew his dad would take good care of him.

The next morning I got a text message from his dad saying that his temperature is 101.5 and that he is now throwing up. {Now I was a little more grateful he was at his dad's because throw up and I don't mix. As in I throw up when others throw up.} He was getting him juniors advil and renting movies for a fun day of lounging on the couch.

I thought all was well at my house until St. Patrick's Day. Little Miss and I went to church and during the service I thought she felt very warm. But I also thought it could be the fleece sling I was carrying her in. So I didn't think much of it until she slept through the whole service ... and service was loud. We had clapping, drums, guitars, singing, and our pastor isn't quiet at all.

 Here is a picture of our blue fleece sling. It is by far my favorite! It is from KangarooKorner.com.

I brought her home and took her temperature. She also had a fever of 101.5. So into bed we headed for the afternoon.

My hubby was wonderful. He ran to the store and grabbed her some infant advil and some pedialite.  {It was really nice to lay in bed because we just bought a brand spankin new mattress. If only I wasn't laying in it because Little Miss was sick.}

So all in all our St. Patrick's Day was quiet. There was a whole lot napping and nursing going on. But that was just fine with me.

So here are the St. Patrick's Day pics of our day.

  
On a side note I made Little Miss's head band. I was thinking about making some and posting them 
on this blog if anyone is interested in purchasing them. Not sure of a price or anything at this point. Just looking to see if there is any interest. Please let me know your thoughts. Here is an up close picture.

Words

Sticks and Stones

may break my bones

But names will

never hurt me!

 

 

It is amazing how words can encourage us or break us down.
I truly don't feel that most people say things to hurt others but sometimes what they say can really sting.

Yesterday Little Miss and I went to the grocery store before the "snowstorm" hit.(The snowstorm ended up being just a little sprinkling of snow.)
I made a list of some recipes I would like to make for dinner so the Little Miss and I wouldn't have to go out again in the cold weather.

I typically get a lot of ooh's and aah's when I take her out with me. She loves looking at and talking to people. She laughs the whole time and doesn't stop smiling.

How could people not just love this face?

Older men typically like to talk to her and get her to smile while at the grocery store.

We had all of our ingredients in the cart and were waiting patiently in line.

The gentleman in front of us decided he wanted to take a peek at the baby in the carrier.

First he wanted to guess whether she was a boy or a girl.

He said "Oh what a cute little boy"

Needless to say she was dressed in purple and wearing a big bow in her hair.

Then he asked me if this was my first child.

I told him that in fact this was my second child and that I have an almost 10 year old son.

He just stared at me. He was probably trying to do the math and figure out how old I was now and how old I probably was when he was born.

He continued staring and then said ...
"Probably two different dads! Am I right?"

It felt like the air was sucked right out of my lungs.

Why would someone say that?

Instead of saying something back I just smiled.

Yes I have 2 children by 2 different fathers but what difference does that make.

I loved Little Man's dad and I love my husband and Little Miss's father.
I feel lucky to have had 2 great loves of my life.

And while neither one of my children were "planned" I prayed for them and loved them before I ever knew them.

I am sure the gentleman didn't mean to say something rude to me but his words really stung.

I chose just to smile and say nothing at all.



Want to go on a coffee date?

If we were going to go on a coffee date today ...

I would have to apologize for still wearing my pajamas and slippers.

I would tell you to be careful as you walked in the door because I have been doing laundry and four baskets are sitting on the floor.

I would offer you a coffee while I drank both coffee and water. I need to increase my milk supply.

I would encourage you to talk to Little Miss because "talking" is her favorite.

She may fall asleep while you are here on a blanket her great grandma Dee made for her daddy when he was 10.

I would tell you that Christmas is always difficult each year when money is tight and your children want really big gifts.

I would ask you if there is anything you would like me to pray for you this week.

I would ask you to tell me your story.

I would thank you for spending time with me because being a stay at home Mom can be lonely sometimes.

I would ask you to come back because I enjoy your company.

Cosleeping

Having a new baby ten years after my first child makes you rethink how you parented the first time around.

With Little Man I felt like I needed to follow all of the "rules".

I followed the rule that if breastfeeding is hard just formula feed because it is easier.

I followed the rule that babies must sleep in their own beds (or bassinet) because neither mother or baby will sleep if they are in your bed.

Well this time around I am breaking the rules!

Breastfeeding is hard but I am sticking with it because it is better for Little Miss.

Cosleeping is easier because you can nurse and be skin to skin with your baby throughout the night.

I love cosleeping with Little Miss!

We did try having her in her bassinet but she didn't sleep very well and neither did I. I was constantly waking up to find her pacifer or to nurse her. And with all that moving around she was awake during the night and I was exhausted. My husband was also disturbed because she would be crying and he needed to sleep to he could work the next day. I would end up going downstairs to take care of Little Miss and eventually I would fall asleep holding her on the couch.

I knew that this wasn't working for me!

I decided that I needed to figure out how to nurse her while lying down and just allow her to sleep in my bed with me.

I found these wonderful tutorials on how to breastfeed while lying down. Feel free to check them out here, here, and here

To be honest we have had a few hiccups with breastfeeding while lying down such as an improper latch or switching from one side to the other but learning this position has been so helpful!

Little Miss and I are getting much better sleep now.

I don't have to get out of bed to get her or find her pacifer in the dark anymore.

I am not sure how long we will cosleep for but right now this works for us!

And Daddy gets some extra cuddle time as well! Bonus!

Move Me

All day I have been in a mood ... not a good mood or a bad mood but a mood. I hardly got any sleep last night.

Little Man woke up and climbed into bed with me because he had a nightmare. He told me that he dreamt he was in a jail cell and someone let deadly snakes in to kill him.

Little Miss barely slept. She was fussy and tired. She has been fighting a cold that has left her stuffy and congested. I can feel it in her lungs.

Needless to say, all 4 of us in a queen size bed left us with very little room to sleep so none of us really got any.

I got up with Little Miss at 5:45 am and came downstairs. He smiled and cooed as if she was having the best time ever. I made the coffee. I made a lunch for my husband. I packed Little Man's lunch. I picked up the scraps of paper off the coffee table from when Little Man was teaching himself oragami. I grabbed all of the glasses semi filled with liquid and dropped them in the sink.

Little Miss finally fell asleep at 7 am.

I took that opportunity to jump in the shower to try and give myself more energy than I really had.

I woke up Little Man and instructed him to get ready for school.

He drank his morning coffee and so did I.

I put the baby in her carseat and drove Little Man to school. He loves listening to the radio and singing along with every song ... loudly. I dropped him off at school while Gangnam style was playing on the radio. I saw his lips moving as he joined his classes line. I know he was still singing the song.

Little Miss and I came home. I began washing the dishes, doing the laundry, nursing the baby, and drinking more coffee.

My Husband called and told me to take a nap. He told me that nothing really had to be done at home so I should just relax. He also told me that we are going to need a bigger bed. {I agree} We hung up quickly because he was busy at work.

I did nap right before Little Man came home from school.

I decided breakfast for dinner would be good and easy.

I burned the bacon. I took too long making the pancakes so the eggs were cold. The whole house was filled with smoke.

I feel like most days I am just going through the motions and I am not really "good" at any of my duties. The house is not really clean just straightened up. The laundry is folded but it just sits in baskets. I have yelled at Little Man for not writing neatly on his homework assignment and for forgetting his science book. I get frusterated with Little Miss because she is crying but won't nurse. My husband goes to bed early because of his lack of sleep last night.

I am not connecting with my family. I am not being intentional. I am not giving them the attention they deserve.

As I sat down at the computer tonight I was wondering if I was the only Mom/Wife who thought she was doing the right thing. I wondered if what I did today in the mundane touched my family. I wondered if I was good enough.

I just wanted to be moved. I want my world rocked so that I can become more intentional in the things I do.

Then I read this ...

Boy was I rocked. The tears just flowed. I am not the only one who wonders if the decisions they have made are the right ones.

I discovered that right now things may be tough but I was put here to "just love them".

Then I realized that I must be doing something right if my Little Man seeks me out when he is scared because he can feel my love and I keep him safe.

Little Miss smiles and cooes at me because I have shown here love.

My Husband calls me to remind me to relax and to thank me for making his lunch and coffee this morning. He can feel my love too.

I am just here to love them.

Some days are going to be better than others and today may not have been my day but when I get discouraged and feel like I am not doing enough ... I can just love them!

I cannot believe it is already Sunday night!

Wow! This weekend really flew by with my getting very little accomplished. 

I did spend an amazing Friday night with my college girlfriends. We had a glass of wine (Pinot Grigio – my favorite!), snacked on some yummy treats, gobbled up slices of pizza, and chatted until the wee hours of the morning.

I don’t think I have laughed that hard in so very long! It is so nice to be able to discuss school, professors, pre-clinicals/student teaching, and students with those who truly get it.

On Saturday, I slept in.

Truth be told I like being awake before the boys get up but this didn’t happen on Saturday. So from the second I was awake I was being beckoned to get drinks and breakfast. Two cinnamon rolls and a glass of apple juice later I sat down in front of the TV.

And there I sat all day. I watched movie after movie until I felt I should get up and be some what productive. So I got up and made dinner for my  family.

Dan went out to run some errands. To be honest I think he needed some space from the giggly twins (Jacob and Christian). Those two can be such a handful sometimes.

But when he came back he had a present for me!! I love that man! I honestly couldn’t ask for more in a person.

One-Yard Wonders: 101 Sewing Fabric Project; Look what you can make with one yard of fabric! By: Rebecca Yaker

I have had my eye on this book for quite some time now – well ever since I got a sewing machine from Freecycle.

This book contains 101 sewing project all using only one yard of fabric. I cannot wait to go to the store and get some fun and colorful fabrics so I can try them out.

I am pretty certain I am going to make a great big bag to hold my school books for my first project.

Today was yet another unproductive day. I woke up late again so the gigglers were already up and at ‘em. They prepared their own breakfast this morning so I settled in with a great big cup of coffee.

I didn’t go to church this morning and I already wish I had. Going to church starts my week off on the right foot and I haven’t been in a few weeks.

I did go to Johnsen & Taylor with my Mom today. I love looking around at all the wonderful Christian books, art, mugs, and trinkets. Although I am not really a trinket person. I saw so many things I would love to read and hang in my home. I did buy one book called The Shape of Mercy by Susan Meissner.

I cannot wait to begin reading it although with all my classwork I doubt I will be able to complete it any time soon.

While I was gone shopping Dan hung pictures up around the house. When I came home I was so happy to see things hanging from the otherwise bare walls.

As for right now, I am doing laundry and finishing up some school work. Hopefully, I will have time tomorrow afternoon to finish the rest of it.

So that was my super unproductive weekend.

What did you get done (or not) this weekend?

Praising the Lord and Loving My Family

It has been an amazing few months!

As you already know, we moved into a townhouse so that Jacob could continue going to school in the same district.  The move went amazingly well. Almost every box has been unpacked except for a large box containing Jacob’s winter clothes. I will have to tackle it soon because the Fall weather is fast approaching. It definitely is beginning to feel like home. I think that all of us are happier here.

Jacob discovered that another 2nd grader from his school lives across the street and loves having someone to play with.

Jacob also is loving being able to ride his bike in the cul-de-sac, kick a soccer ball in the front yard, and run around without me having to run around with him.

Mornings have been much better this year. I am trying to get better at packing his lunch (and my lunch) the night before. Also, I have been pre-warning letting him know what I expect from him in the mornings. He no longer is fighting me when it comes to taking a shower, brushing his teeth, or putting his shoes on. Thank Goodness!

Another blessing is that Jacob is doing really well in second grade. So far there has been no need for a separate behavior plan and his reading has improved. He is taking part in a Poetry Group which will improve his reading fluency.  

I have been enjoying my second year back in college. Although the work has been tougher and my schedule crazier. I am still loving it.

I am doing my practicum at an elementary school in Downers Grove in a 2nd grade classroom.  I instantly fell in love with the students in my class and my cooperating teacher is wonderful. She has thrown me right into the classroom and helping the students. I even get to bring papers home to grade. (Remind me that I was happy about this when I have my own classroom and am complaining about bringing papers home to grade.)

I was actually in the classroom today when the school went into a “soft lockdown”. It turned out that there was a domestic violence situation at the end of the block and the people were unwilling to come out of the house. As a precaution, I was lead out of the building and directed to drive through the grass and over a baseball field to reach the street. I was shaking like a leaf for the rest of the day.

Also, I discovered that one of the students in my class, lets call him “R”, stayed home from school today because his father is being sent to Afghanistan. Please pray for “R’s” father’s safety and for his family while he is away. I am sure that “R” will struggle in the classroom for a little while. Please pray for me to have the right words to say to him.

I guess that is it for now. Look forward to pictures coming soon because Jacob has a 3 v 3 soccer tournament Friday night under the lights. Also, tomorrow we have soccer practice and Open House. I look forward to Jacob leading me through his classroom and showing me all the things he has done so far this year.

By the way, I am loving my family right now. Can’t get enough!

 

Guilty as Charged

The other day I was laughing with one of the young guys at work about all the things I tell Jacob. Now, to set the record straight I do not believe these are lies. I think they are miracles that may not really be true but they work for me. While he was reminding me of all my "miracles" I figured I should share them with you and see what you think.

My darling son believes that raisins make him sleepy.
I know this sounds crazy but it works. I am pretty sure one night after struggling with him for over an hour to get into bed and after giving him water (cause aren't all little kids sooo thirsty at bed time) I ran out of things to keep him in bed. So I may have possibly told him that if he eats a tiny handful of raisins he will become sleepy and go to sleep. He tried it and it worked. Now it is actually a part of our bed time ritual.

Chocolate milk is really plain old white milk.
To set the record straight he doesn't believe this anymore because someone actually gave him chocolate in his "chocolate" milk. But for a long time I got away with just giving him white milk. It was easier this way. If we went to a friends house and they didn't have chocolate he would still drink milk. I never had to run to the store to pick up chocolate milk mix. To be honest, I wish he still believed this.

Special Lotion is really Johnson & Johnson Night Time Lotion
After bath time I lather Jacob in what he thinks is special lotion but it really lotion filled with chamomile and lavender to make him tired. It totally works. And he sleeps and smells like a baby.

Monster Spray is really Sleepy Time Linen Spray
Ok maybe I may have a theme going here. But after Jacob and I moved into our own house he started getting scared being in his own room. He always wanted to be in my bed with me. Since my mom works at Bath & Body Works I had her pick me up some Sleepy Time Linen Spray. I told him it was to keep the scary monsters away. And once again it works!

That is all I can think of right now. I am sure that there are more guilty "miracles" that I use on a daily basis that seem normal to me.

Do you have any guilty "miracles" that you use in your home? If you do, please let me know.