Paycheck to Paycheck {My Story & The Documentary on HBO}

Ok ... so this post is tough. 

Money sucks and is super hard to talk about. 

Why do some have so much while others have so little?

I can't say it is for the lack of trying or laziness. 

I do believe that life struggles can shape you ... positively or negatively ... depending on what you take from it. 

Our story ....

My father left when I was 17 years old. At the time my brothers were ... 15, 13, and 2 weeks old. We were broke. One week a month my Mom only had $8 to buy food. I don't ever remember being hungry.

By 21 years old I was up to my eyeballs in debt! I refused to open envelopes. I just put all my unopened mail in a box. I knew that I couldn't pay them. I didn't spend that money on stupid things but instead helped my Mom pay bills or put gas in the cars or put food in the families mouth. 

I had my son 4 months shy of my 22nd birthday. Jacob's dad forced me to face my debt and work my way out of it. {The best thing I ever did!}

By 25, I bought my first condo. I was working a full time job making great money. I was able to support Jacob and I. Things were still very paycheck to paycheck but I felt like I had everything I could ever need.

At age 28 I quit my job and went back to school. I took out student loans { around $40,000}. I graduated at age 30. My now husband/then boyfriend supported Jacob and I. It was tough. A lot of the time we used change to put gas in the cars. Bills were always paid late. Payment plans were our best friends. It was really really tough. We moved into a rental house. The old neighborhood was getting scary. 

I went back to work for my old company on a part time basis. We used our tax returns and my income to pay for our wedding. We got married in April 2012 and didn't go into anymore debt. 

1 month later I was laid off and 24 weeks pregnant. I stayed home. Collected $160 every two weeks from unemployment. {That ended 5 months later}

August 2012 we had our daughter. I knew I had to breastfeed to save money. {I am still breastfeeding my now 19 month old ... that is a different story ... and I love it!}

We filled bankruptcy to get rid of the debt from the condo we moved out of. We couldn't short sale because of who my loan was with. It sucks but we are over it. Move on.

3 months ago my husbands position changed in his company ... he is able to make more money. I am still staying home. We budget. We work together. I take care of more of the nitty gritty. I fill him in about the details. 

But he works very long hours and most Saturdays.

We only spend $12 a week on our daughter. $9.99 diapers from Whole Foods. $1.69 wipes from Walgreens. They don't irritate her or cause her to get a rash. 

I spend $100 a week for groceries. That includes school lunches and lunches for Dan.

We don't go out to eat. I don't shop. I buy necessities. We don't have new furniture. I try to repurpose what we have. 

We are happy. We are healthy. I couldn't ask for more. {Well sometimes I do when money gets tight ... like real tight ... as in no money until Friday and it is only Tuesday.} But it is what it is. 

We don't take money too seriously. Of course we fight about it. I cry about it. But then we get up, shake off, and move on. 

My husband likes me being home with the kids. I like being home with the kids. I honestly never thought that this would be how my life would end up but I am so happy. So very very happy. 

image from Paycheck to Paycheck: The Life and Times of Katrina Gilbert.

Back to the whole point of this post ... Maria Shriver is the executive producer for a new HBO documentary called "Paycheck to Paycheck: the life and times of Katrina Gilbert". 

I love documentaries.

And this was a great one! 

It hit a nerve. 

It is the story of Katrina Gilbert, a single mom to 3 young kids. She was followed for a year documenting her daily life. She spoke openly about her bills and her paycheck. She gave her kids everything and didn't ask for anything. She gave her ex-husband gas money so he could see their kids. She works at a nursing home. She kisses the patients and loves them. 

She broke my heart. 

She made me look at my life. She made me more grateful. She made me cry and she made me smile. 

I couldn't stop thinking about her. 

She could be miserable about her life but instead she was happy. She was trying. 

She is amazing. 

If you have 75 minutes and you have HBO ... watch this. 

It will really change you ... whether you live paycheck to paycheck or not. 

I am not ashamed to admit that in our household money is tight and we barely live over paycheck to paycheck. We don't have savings. We are just one family ... who work our butts off to make ends meet. 

I am Afraid {Day 7}

Sorry I am running a little bit behind schedule on the Blog Every Day in May challenge! But that is life!

So today I will be catching back up.

Day 7's prompt is (was) ...

The things you are most afraid of

To be honest. I am afraid of a lot of things ... 

heights

wild animals

other people driving while I am a passenger

but there are 2 things that terrify me.

never getting ahead financially

not being intentional with my children.

I have talked about our financial situation on the blog before. We are currently struggling to pay our bills and rent. It isn't easy. I try to budget but then something always comes up. We have a little bit of money and then we are overdrawn. Some days feel like we will never get ahead. I long for a home that we can call ours forever. I want to plant a garden. I want to have paint on the walls that isn't off white. I want to stamp our name on every inch of our own place. Right now if just doesn't seem like we are ever going to get out of this financial rut. I know that I can do something about it. I know that I can go back to work full time and put Little Miss in day care. But that leads me to my second fear.

If I work full time will my children suffer for it. How will Little Man get to soccer practice? Will I be around when Little Miss says her first word or takes her first steps? Will I become so overwhelmed with house work and laundry that I barely spend time with them? The thought of dropping Little Miss off at day care scares me to the core. Now don't get me wrong ... Little Man was in day care from the time he was 3 months old until he started kindergarten. And he is wonderful! But Little Miss has only been out of my care 2 times in 8 months. Does financial security over ride being a stay at home mom to my kids? 

I think about these things often. My husband thinks I need to work full time. I don't know what to think. So for now I will be praying and applying for jobs. Hoping that God will provide me an opportunity to be the mother I want to be and help share the financial burden with my husband.

Want to go on a coffee date?

If we were going to go on a coffee date today ...

I would have to apologize for still wearing my pajamas and slippers.

I would tell you to be careful as you walked in the door because I have been doing laundry and four baskets are sitting on the floor.

I would offer you a coffee while I drank both coffee and water. I need to increase my milk supply.

I would encourage you to talk to Little Miss because "talking" is her favorite.

She may fall asleep while you are here on a blanket her great grandma Dee made for her daddy when he was 10.

I would tell you that Christmas is always difficult each year when money is tight and your children want really big gifts.

I would ask you if there is anything you would like me to pray for you this week.

I would ask you to tell me your story.

I would thank you for spending time with me because being a stay at home Mom can be lonely sometimes.

I would ask you to come back because I enjoy your company.

What else can I do but Pray! (Money Struggles)

via 

Money is never fun to discuss but it is such an important topic in the household.

I have been reading the book Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider (find the book here) and I feel that I am finally able to understand how living simply (with finances and in the household) can provide peace. In this book Tsh Oxenreider says "Don't assume your money will automatically be spent where it should because it doesn't have a mind of its own. Cash is a tool, and it needs to be treated as such. Use it wisely to build, to repair, and to create the things that matter most to you."

Umm ... wow ... that really hit me. We don't have a budget at all. We spend randomly and then wonder why our bills are behind and unpaid.

Then I remembered a blog post I read by Casey Wiegand's that was completely honest about her families money struggles and why they are still making the choices they do. (You can read her post here ... I highly recommend it!)

Again I realized that money is a tool and doesn't necessarily give us the life that we want.

Right now in our household money is TIGHT! Very very tight!

And yet we are not really doing anything about it.

We assume that if we made more money and that if I didn't get laid off we would be fine.

But without a budget I know that we would just spend more and not in an appropriate way.

Since I am Type A I sat down and wrote out our income and our expenses. In order to pay everything (well just the necessities) we are still short $137 per month.

After I wrote out the budget I made a list of things we could do to save money/make money such as ...
*Cut down on Dan's 401k (temporarily)
*Cut down our cell phone bills
*Sell some unused and new items we have in our home
*Drive less - therefore saving gas

Lastly, I wrote down things Dan and I are dreaming about ...
*Buying baby furniture
*Buying a new king size mattress
*Buy new living room furniture
*Go on vacation

(By the way Dan was sleeping as I did all of this ... )

Now I am not sure that this will work. I know that Dan is not a big fan of budgeting (he thinks it is like a straight jacket). I have also asked Dan to allow me to take over the bills to give him some relief.

So what else is there left to do ... but PRAY!

via

I am committing to pray for Dan for 20 minutes per day for 31 days.

He is the leader of our family. He needs strength to make it through his day. He needs God's guidance now more than ever.

I printed out a 31 Days of Prayers for your Husband and grabbed a notebook to write down my prayers in. I am hoping that I can give it to Dan at the end of 31 days.

When he wakes up this morning he will find a few tiny notes, a budget, a copy of Casey Wiegand's honest financial post, my prayers for him, and my notebook.

What have you prayed for continuously lately?

Are you struggling with your finances?

Do you want to commit to pray for your husband for 31 days?

Can I pray for you in any way?

I can't wait to see what doors God opens for us with this 31 day journey.

I had a different ending in mind.

Four years ago I signed along the dotted line and added two new keys to my keychain.

Before I went to pick up the UHaul truck I went to my very own condo, unlocked the lock, walked up the seventeen stairs, and the tears of joy began to fall.

I held my hands out at my sides and spun around.

My very first place!

Despite the fact that is was late February and snow was determined to fall all around - it was moving day!

I thought that we would call the condo "home" for two years. After two years we would sell it and make a little bit of money to buy something nicer.

After a year of living there the neighborhood began to change. At one time Jacob's backpack was stolen from my car along with all of my cd's. Another time we had gang graffiti spray painted on our garage door (and  about 142 other garages and cars were tagged as well).
 
Another time our neighbor thought it would be a good idea to keep his dog in the garage throughout the winter. In order to keep the dog warm they placed a space heater in the garage. One night the space heater caught something on fire. Smoke quickly filled our condo and the fire department had us evacuate. We sat in the back of the police car for hours. It was freezing. Our neighbor never said sorry and refused to file an insurance claim. Soon after the family moved out.  

By the time we moved out four months ago we were the only family left.

Dan's niece was going to stay at the condo so save up money and to help us pay the association fees. Three months later she decided that she didn't want to pay to stay there and promptly moved out.

Since the association fees were not getting paid I had to go to court on Thursday. The association is going to take my condo. While I thought that it would be the end but from what the lawyers and the judge said it isn't over yet.

This really wasn't the way that I thought it would end.

But God is in control over EVERYTHING! He will provide and bring me through this. Although today seems tough tomorrow will be brighter.