Thursday, May 9, 2013

I am Afraid {Day 7}

Sorry I am running a little bit behind schedule on the Blog Every Day in May challenge! But that is life!

So today I will be catching back up.

Day 7's prompt is (was) ...

The things you are most afraid of

To be honest. I am afraid of a lot of things ... 

wild animals
other people driving while I am a passenger

but there are 2 things that terrify me.

never getting ahead financially
not being intentional with my children.

I have talked about our financial situation on the blog before. We are currently struggling to pay our bills and rent. It isn't easy. I try to budget but then something always comes up. We have a little bit of money and then we are overdrawn. Some days feel like we will never get ahead. I long for a home that we can call ours forever. I want to plant a garden. I want to have paint on the walls that isn't off white. I want to stamp our name on every inch of our own place. Right now if just doesn't seem like we are ever going to get out of this financial rut. I know that I can do something about it. I know that I can go back to work full time and put Little Miss in day care. But that leads me to my second fear.

If I work full time will my children suffer for it. How will Little Man get to soccer practice? Will I be around when Little Miss says her first word or takes her first steps? Will I become so overwhelmed with house work and laundry that I barely spend time with them? The thought of dropping Little Miss off at day care scares me to the core. Now don't get me wrong ... Little Man was in day care from the time he was 3 months old until he started kindergarten. And he is wonderful! But Little Miss has only been out of my care 2 times in 8 months. Does financial security over ride being a stay at home mom to my kids? 

I think about these things often. My husband thinks I need to work full time. I don't know what to think. So for now I will be praying and applying for jobs. Hoping that God will provide me an opportunity to be the mother I want to be and help share the financial burden with my husband.

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