Running Scared

If you are from the Midwest you are fully aware that a BLIZZARD WARNING has been issued! From what the weather reports are saying we should get 18 to 24 inches of snow by Wednesday.

Since I am from the western suburbs of Chicago I am used to snow … although 18 inches sounds … well …

CRAZY!!!

I figured that if we get trapped in the house for a day or two it would be a good idea to stop at the grocery store to pick up a few nights of dinner.

I made a simple and quick list …

1) Taco Soup

2) Pepper Steak over rice

3) Shepard’s Pie

4) Lemon Chicken Pasta with asparagus

5) Spaghetti

When I got to the grocery store everyone must have thought the same thing.

The lines were super long and people were getting cranky.

After what seemed like forever I figured it would also be a good idea to get gas while I was out.

The gas station close to my house not only was packed but they were also out of regular fuel. People were not happy to have to pay extra for the two premium level fuels.

People are seriously running scared!! (Hence the title of this post .. hee hee)

The only thing I am excited about is the possible cancellation of school for both Jacob and I. It would be lovely to stay home and spend quality time with him. (Definitely keeping my fingers crossed!)

The snow is supposed to start falling this evening and continue through Friday.

I will be sure to keep everyone posted about the conditions around me.

What is the weather like by you? Are you in the same boat as me or are you enjoying beautiful weather?

I cannot believe it is already Sunday night!

Wow! This weekend really flew by with my getting very little accomplished. 

I did spend an amazing Friday night with my college girlfriends. We had a glass of wine (Pinot Grigio – my favorite!), snacked on some yummy treats, gobbled up slices of pizza, and chatted until the wee hours of the morning.

I don’t think I have laughed that hard in so very long! It is so nice to be able to discuss school, professors, pre-clinicals/student teaching, and students with those who truly get it.

On Saturday, I slept in.

Truth be told I like being awake before the boys get up but this didn’t happen on Saturday. So from the second I was awake I was being beckoned to get drinks and breakfast. Two cinnamon rolls and a glass of apple juice later I sat down in front of the TV.

And there I sat all day. I watched movie after movie until I felt I should get up and be some what productive. So I got up and made dinner for my  family.

Dan went out to run some errands. To be honest I think he needed some space from the giggly twins (Jacob and Christian). Those two can be such a handful sometimes.

But when he came back he had a present for me!! I love that man! I honestly couldn’t ask for more in a person.

One-Yard Wonders: 101 Sewing Fabric Project; Look what you can make with one yard of fabric! By: Rebecca Yaker

I have had my eye on this book for quite some time now – well ever since I got a sewing machine from Freecycle.

This book contains 101 sewing project all using only one yard of fabric. I cannot wait to go to the store and get some fun and colorful fabrics so I can try them out.

I am pretty certain I am going to make a great big bag to hold my school books for my first project.

Today was yet another unproductive day. I woke up late again so the gigglers were already up and at ‘em. They prepared their own breakfast this morning so I settled in with a great big cup of coffee.

I didn’t go to church this morning and I already wish I had. Going to church starts my week off on the right foot and I haven’t been in a few weeks.

I did go to Johnsen & Taylor with my Mom today. I love looking around at all the wonderful Christian books, art, mugs, and trinkets. Although I am not really a trinket person. I saw so many things I would love to read and hang in my home. I did buy one book called The Shape of Mercy by Susan Meissner.

I cannot wait to begin reading it although with all my classwork I doubt I will be able to complete it any time soon.

While I was gone shopping Dan hung pictures up around the house. When I came home I was so happy to see things hanging from the otherwise bare walls.

As for right now, I am doing laundry and finishing up some school work. Hopefully, I will have time tomorrow afternoon to finish the rest of it.

So that was my super unproductive weekend.

What did you get done (or not) this weekend?

Becoming a Mom … before you are married (Part 3)

As my Mom sat at the end of the bed I looked everywhere but in her eyes. I repeated my question, “Mom, you promise you won’t get mad?”

“Oh Mindy, just tell me already!”

I didn’t know how to put my news gently so I just spurted it out. No good words. No calm voice.

“I’m pregnant!”

I will never forget the look on her face as she absorbed the shock of my news. She just sat there at the end of my bed. I sat there too. Neither one of us spoke any words.

In what seemed like an eternity she jumped from the bed and yelled, “How could you be so stupid?”

She stomped out of my room and walked down the hall.

I knew that she was still processing so I just sat there.

A few minutes later she walked back into my room, looked at me, and then walked back out.

She just kept doing that; over and over again.

I didn’t dare move.

I didn’t dare speak.

For the last time that evening, she re-entered my room.

“Why would you do this?” And the tears just fell.

I knew I disappointed her.

I knew this wasn’t what she wanted for her only daughter.

I knew that our family had been through enough to last a lifetime.

After that she just went to here room. Knowing her I doubt she slept a wink. 

I know that I didn’t sleep at all.

Even though my Mom was disappointed and hurt I did feel a sense of relief after I told her.

I knew I would need her support throughout this pregnancy and I knew that eventually she would be excited about her very first grandchild.

Shortly after I told my Mom, Ryan’s Mom decided that she really wanted to talk to Ryan and I together.

I felt very nervous about dinner. I didn’t know what to expect since I laid low and didn’t go around Ryan’s house since his parents heard the news.

Ryan told me that she was upset but since I didn’t get to see her emotions I was sure what “upset” meant.

Ryan and I met his Mom at the restaurant she had chosen. We both arrived around the same time.

I just looked at her face to see if I could sense what was about to come. But all she did was smile so I set my guard done to enjoy a nice evening.

Maybe I should have left my guard up a little.(Hind sight is 20/20 .. isn’t it)

As we sat down at the table, before the bread came out, the questions began.

How are you going to raise this baby?

Are you guys going to get married?

Do you know how to even take care of a baby?

Are you sure you want to have this baby?

Don’t you think you are a little too young to have a baby?

And so on … and so on.

I thought Ryan would have spoken up since it was his Mom but instead he just looked at me. I felt like I was under attack and instead of Ryan sticking up for me he pushed me further into the line of fire.

I felt like I had to defend myself.

I tried to remind her that I have a four year old brother who I take care of.

Nothing seemed to help.

Dinner dragged on forever.

By the end of the evening I was emotionally drained.

I went home and prayed. Probably cried a little too.

Why am I the only one excited about this baby?

{To be Continued}

Becoming a Mom … before you are married. (Part 2)

As the months went by my pregnancy remained a secret from many people.

I still hadn’t told my mother for the fear of what she was going to say and do. But I knew that I would have to tell her soon.

Ryan was struggling with not telling people. He had let the information slip to his oldest brother Chris who seemed unhappy with the situation. Although Chris never told me that he was upset.

In an effort to keep the pregnancy a secret Ryan became withdrawn from his mother and father. His mother noticed and one night she made him sit down and tell her what was going on.

As his lips opened all of his fears spilled out and his mother finally knew the secret he and I were keeping. Needless to say she was less than pleased.

Now that Ryan’s mother knew I knew I had to tell my mother next.

One afternoon as I was attending a baby shower for my soon-to-be Aunt, who was expecting twin girls, my Aunt Carrie came up to me and asked me when I was due. I am sure the look on my face was priceless when I looked back at her and asked her what she was talking about.

By the time I left the baby shower everyone was talking about me. I heard the whispers and the hushed tones as I went from table to table talking to family members I rarely get to see.

I wanted to tell everyone but I knew how they would react. It wouldn’t be reactions of joy but more of sadness. So I continued to keep my pregnancy to myself.

Later that night as I was getting ready for bed my cell phone rang. Caller id said that it was my grandmother. I answered the phone and immediately after I said hello she began her rant.

She told me that she knew I was expecting and that I obviously hadn’t told my mother yet. She said that I had 24 hours to tell her otherwise she was going to tell her for me.

With that she hung up.

I was speechless. I thought about her offer to tell my mom for me but I knew that wouldn’t be right.

As I laid the phone back down on my nightstand my mom walked into my room.

It was now or never.

I looked at her and asked her if she wanted to hang out in my room.  She said yes and we watched some silly program on tv.

One show rolled into another and I knew if I didn’t tell her now I never would.

I looked over at her knowing that what I was about to tell her would change her life.

My throat went dry and I stumbled to talk … “Mom? Can I tell you something? Just promise me that you won’t get mad! Do you promise?”

{To be continued}

Becoming a Mom … before you are married. (Part 1)

When I found out I was going to be a mother at 21 years of age I was excited and happy like any other expecting mom would be. But inside within my heart I was terrified.

I was terrified to tell my family and terrified of all the changes that would be taking place.

When I told Jacob’s dad that I was pregnant his reaction was nothing to write home about. He knew that I was going to go to a CareNet pregnancy center to take the pregnancy test and told me to call him after my appointment was over. The first time I called him he didn’t pick up the phone. He was at work.

Since he didn’t answer I called my best friend Jenifer. She did answer and I told her the news and then immediately burst into tears. I drove directly to her house so that she could be there for me.

While I was on the phone with Jenifer balling my eyes out Ryan beeped over on the other line.

I sucked up all the courage I had inside of me, took a deep breath, and swallowed my tears as I clicked over to take his phone call.

He asked out the appointment had went and all I could muster up to say was … yes.

He wanted to know what yes meant and I told him that yes I was pregnant … 4 1/2 weeks along.

Instead of excitement I got an ear full of choice words.

I told him that if he wanted to keep me from crying he would stop saying those words.

So … in his immaturity he told me a joke about a bear and a rabbit. Something about poop sticking to the rabbit’s fur.

Instead of laughing all my defenses and strength left and I promptly burst into uncontrollable tears.

He wanted to leave work to meet me but I told him not to bother because Jenifer would be taking care of me.

When I arrived at Jenifer’s house she told me that we were going to the pool. I put on my bikini the last one I would ever wear that shows my stomach, grabbed a towel, and went to the pool.

I laid on the plastic lounge chair thinking about what was growing inside of me while the sun beat down on my face. To be honest the trip to the pool really helped. I didn’t want to go home because I felt my mom would look at me and just know. So I just sat on the plastic chair until the straps left marks on my legs.

After the pool I went back to Jenifer’s house. Her mom and stepdad were there. The house seemed suffocating so I went outside and sat on the hammock in the front yard.

Natalie (Jenifer’s mom) came outside and sat next to me. As I opened my mouth to talk about something mundane the words “I am pregnant” flew out. She looked at me and said that I ruined the ambiance of the hammock. She then promptly grabbed me up into her arms and told me that somehow she had already known.

After Ryan was done at work he met me over at Jenifer’s parents house. We walked into den and I gave him all the details of the appointment.

I told him that the nice lady at Carenet initially gave me a cup to take to the bathroom with me and told me to return to the office once I filled it.

When I got to the office she handed me a pregnancy test and read me the directions. We followed the directions and then she told that in three minutes we would know the results. She asked me a thousand questions while we waited to see the results. She wanted to know what my family would think if I would in fact be pregnant and if I had a good support system.

Those three minutes felt like a lifetime and then the timer went off. The lady instructed me to pick up the test and if I saw two pink lines the test was positive but if there was only one line the test was negative.

I picked up the test looked at the window and told her that it was negative.

She looked at the test herself and told me to check the results again.

I looked again and told her that the test said I wasn’t pregnant.

She told me that even though the line was faint I was in fact pregnant.

I didn’t cry.

I just sat there.

Since the test was positive she gathered information so that she could tell me when the baby would be due.

I told Ryan that the lady said my due date was March 3, 2003 …  03/03/03.

He didn’t say much.

We left the den and joined the rest of Jenifer’s family in the kitchen.

While Ryan and I were talking Natalie must have told Keith (her husband) that I was pregnant. He had two shots of Crown Royal whiskey sitting on the counter.

He handed one to Ryan and they made a toast to Ryan becoming a dad.

[To be continued]

I had a different ending in mind.

Four years ago I signed along the dotted line and added two new keys to my keychain.

Before I went to pick up the UHaul truck I went to my very own condo, unlocked the lock, walked up the seventeen stairs, and the tears of joy began to fall.

I held my hands out at my sides and spun around.

My very first place!

Despite the fact that is was late February and snow was determined to fall all around - it was moving day!

I thought that we would call the condo "home" for two years. After two years we would sell it and make a little bit of money to buy something nicer.

After a year of living there the neighborhood began to change. At one time Jacob's backpack was stolen from my car along with all of my cd's. Another time we had gang graffiti spray painted on our garage door (and  about 142 other garages and cars were tagged as well).
 
Another time our neighbor thought it would be a good idea to keep his dog in the garage throughout the winter. In order to keep the dog warm they placed a space heater in the garage. One night the space heater caught something on fire. Smoke quickly filled our condo and the fire department had us evacuate. We sat in the back of the police car for hours. It was freezing. Our neighbor never said sorry and refused to file an insurance claim. Soon after the family moved out.  

By the time we moved out four months ago we were the only family left.

Dan's niece was going to stay at the condo so save up money and to help us pay the association fees. Three months later she decided that she didn't want to pay to stay there and promptly moved out.

Since the association fees were not getting paid I had to go to court on Thursday. The association is going to take my condo. While I thought that it would be the end but from what the lawyers and the judge said it isn't over yet.

This really wasn't the way that I thought it would end.

But God is in control over EVERYTHING! He will provide and bring me through this. Although today seems tough tomorrow will be brighter.