My blessed soon-to-be blended family

My Stick Family from WiddlyTinks.com

Let me start this post by saying …. No Dan and I are not engaged. We are however in talks of getting married in the near future but he hasn’t asked and I haven’t said yes … yet.

Being in a blended family relationship is difficult and while the Brady Bunch idealized these relationships it is not always the case.

First of all it is not just your typical dating relationship involving 3 hour midnight phone calls, long walks on the beach, and fly bye the seat of your pants dates. It is more than just Dan and I involved.

To understand the complexity of such a relationship you have to see all the relationships involved.

The first and most important relationship is of course 1.My relationship with Dan.

Then you have …

2. My relationship with my son.

3. His relationship with his son.

4. My son and his son’s relationship.

5. My relationship with his son.

6. His relationship with my son.

7. His relationship with his ex-wife.

8. My relationship with my ex-boyfriend.

9. My relationship with his ex-wife.

10. His relationship with my ex-boyfriend.

That is a lot of relationships involved just because Dan and I want to date!

Besides the number of relationships involved in blended family dating you also have to deal with baggage from past relationships.

I have to be able to help Dan overcome issues he had with his ex-wife and he has to help me overcome issues I have with my ex-boyfriend.

Communication is the key ingredient in all of those relationships but it is not always easy.

Yesterday was an extremely tough day for both Dan and I because of lack of communication.

There was a lot of hurt feelings, feelings of loneliness, and my own touch of insecurity.

To start, I do not like Father’s Day because I miss my father and I do not like to miss him.

I become insecure when I am waiting on someone to come home because I have had people in my life never come back home.

I sit and I waited … fury was beginning to boil over … insecurity crept into every crevice … but I was the only one upset.

Dan and his son went fishing … I feel fishing lasts 2 or 3 hours … Dan feels fishing lasts all day and into the evening. Communication Error #1

Dan wanted his son to stay the night and hang out with me and Jacob for the day … I knew nothing about this and Jacob has basketball camp for the next two weeks. Communication Error #2

Dan’s cell phone died shortly after starting his fishing adventure. Communication Error #3

Dinner was made … table was set … I sat waiting … and waiting … ate dinner alone. Dan was unaware of my dinner plans. Communication Error #4

A lot of unkind words were said and fighting ensued. This could have been easily avoided if we just talked about this before hand.

So in light of my new … keeping it fresh, simple, and without expectation summer … I am also adding keep the lines of communication open to my list. That way my blessed soon-to-be blended family will be happier with a lot less hurt feelings.

I love my blessed soon-to-be blended family and I can’t imagine my life any other way.

What a week!

So … it has been one week since summer vacation started and Jacob has already completed Summerfest at Harvest Bible Chapel. Jacob loved attending for five nights in a row and was a little sad when it ended. He came home with a baseball cap in which he colored and labeled with “I love Jesus” and “Yo, dude”. Not sure why he put “yo, dude” on his hat but he loves it.

He also made a flower pot holding 3 flower pens that he made all by himself.

He was so excited to bring it home and show it to me.

In between the Summerfest festivities Jacob and I also made our way to Storytime in the Garden at a local park. Although we could barely hear the story being told we still had a blast hanging out in the fountains and by the flowers.

Jacob even got to climb on military tanks and pretend he was in a war.

So far summer has been fantastic. I am looking forward to everything else it has in store for the two of us.

Summer Vacation

Today is my first official day of summer vacation. After much thought I decided that this summer I should not work but instead spend time with Jacob (who in my opinion is growing up way too fast for my liking!). I am looking forward to spending time at the library, the pool, the park, and going on fun adventures.

Normally when I am overly excited about something I expect way too much and then become greatly disappointed with the way it turns out. Not this summer! I am just going to go with the flow – if it rains we will hang indoors watching movies, reading books, and writing letters. I am refusing to expect too much from this vacation.

If I was expecting too much from this summer I would have already been thrown for a loop. I tried to get to bed early so I could wake up early to get a good walk in before Jacob woke up. But sleeping did not come easy last night … I tossed and turned, got up, read a magazine, took a Kava, went back to bed, tossed and turned some more, woke up every thirty minutes starting at 6 a.m., woke up at 9, and saw the rain dripping down the windows. Ugh! Not what I planned but that is ok!

I am drinking my coffee as Jacob continues his slumber. He must really need his sleep!

So instead of my previous plans I am drinking coffee, reading others blogs, and enjoying the peace and quiet.

Tonight Jacob has Summerfest (Vacation Bible School) at church and hopefully we can get to the library at some point today.

So this summer I plan to go with the flow and enjoy every moment.

What are your plans for the summer?

 

I need a gold star! Do you?

 

 For the past few days I have had this post floating around my head. It really touches home for me, which is why it was not something I could post immediately. I had to think about my feelings and mull it around in my head to accept that my feelings may be shared by other people.

So here goes … (insert several deep breaths here)

I long for acceptance and approval all day long and every single day of the year. On holidays this feeling is only amplified by a million.

When I wake up in the morning I long for someone to tell me that I look nice or that the outfit I have chosen for the day is a good choice.

For birthdays and holidays I check and double check from everyone who would listen that the present I choose was the best choice possible.

Since I have been back at work I secretly (not so secretly anymore) enjoy the comments from my co-workers that I am the only one that can perform a certain task.

Now that I am back in school I hang my “A” papers on the fridge and when I was asked to join Kappa Delta Pi (the International Education Honors Society) I planned my future role as the President.

I want everyone to see that I am doing a great job and I look for the gold star recognition.

Everything I do I look for my gold star of approval. To be honest it is e-x-h-a-u-s-t-i-n-g!!

When I clean out a kitchen cabinet, I ask Dan to look at it, and then I wait for him to tell me that I did a good job.

Why am I like this?

Until recently I didn’t even realize that I have this problem. I actually discovered my less than desirable motive by reading the book The Happiness Project; Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun by Gretchen Rubin.

In Gretchen’s book she admits to this behavior as well. Gretchen says, “I nagged Jamie [her husband] to give me more praise. I realized that what I really wanted – even more than help – was for Jamie to say something such as ‘Wow, the photograph of the girls is terrific! You’re doing a great job with these Valentine’s cards!’ I wanted that gold star stuck to my homework. Why did I have such a need for gold stars? Was it vanity that needed to be stoked? Was it insecurity that needed to be soothed? Whatever the reason, I knew I should get over my need for Jamie to applaud the nice things I did, and, even more, I should get over my need for Jamie even to notice the nice things I did.”

Reading those words were like a slap to the face. Then after the initial stung disappeared and I let Gretchen’s words sink in, I knew that my need for a gold star was that my insecurity needed to be soothed. Every time someone complimented me I felt like the brick wall that held all of my insecurities began to crumble. In actuality my gold star approvals added more bricks to my wall.

In past posts you may (or may not) have discovered that I cannot make my own decisions. Large decisions, small decisions, insignificant decisions, and elephant size decisions all need to be discussed and analyzed by everyone I know. Everyone I know never comes to the same conclusion and in reality no decision is ever made by me it just seems to happen to me by my inactivity of each decision. (That was a mouthful and I am hoping it makes sense)

I am still trying to analyze my need for the gold stars. The more I analyze the more deep the roots go. I am not sure I will ever get to the root of my problem but I hope that I can overcome this need forever.

I am sure that I feel this way because I am a perfectionist, a control freak, a confrontation avoider, and a failure fearing person. But I do want to change. I want to be in charge of giving myself my own gold stars. I work hard everyday to be the best mother, girlfriend, daughter, friend, grand daughter, niece, cousin, and student possible and just be attempting to good by everyone I already deserve a gold star.

Do you tend to need a gold star? I look forward to hearing all thoughts and ideas on the subject.

Mornings Person? Not me!

I am not a morning person .. at … all!

For example … this is what happened this morning

9:00 am – Wake up! Not good should have been up at 7.

9:02 am – Wake up Jacob by yelling at him to hurry up and get dressed. Throwing his clothes at him as I walk out of the room.

9:05 am – Yell at Jacob to get off the couch and to get his flip flops on since it is Beach Party Day at school. He yells back that he doesn’t have to wear them yet.

9:07 am – Make Jacob’s lunch

9:08 am – Jump in the car wearing my white sweat pant capris that you can see through – thinking navy blue underwear wasn’t a good choice. Putting my hair in a pony tail.

9:19 am – Jacob arrives at school a whopping 10 minutes late!

I wish I could say that most morning do not include yelling or running around like a chicken but that isn’t true.

I wish I was a morning person. I wish I woke  up at 6 am, spent time in God’s word starting my day off right, lovingly waking up my son to start his day off right, and arrive on time to school.

I read other people’s blogs (The Simple Wife) that draw me in about how they go for a 5k run before the rest of the family awakes and then dives directly into their Bibles to get their hearts set with God.

I long to start a morning off this way.

Any advice? Anyone else not a morning person? Can you change from a not a morning person to a morning person?