Struggling and Not Sure What to Do

Today started off wonderful but it took a turn for the worse this afternoon. Although I cannot disclose the circumstances I am now faced with I will tell you that the decision I have to make in the next couple of months is not going to be easy. I am unsure of what the right decision will be and I do not know how I will come to my decision.

Like Robert Frost said, "Two roads diverged in a wood". What road should I take? The road less traveled? If it were only that easy right?

I want to do the right thing. Whatever that is?


I want my decision to please the Lord.


I wish someone would just make this decision for me.


I cannot stand making big decisions alone. On most days I would be happy as a lark if someone would just make all my decisions for me. 


Would you pray for me? Pray for me to make a decision. Pray for me to give this situation to the Lord with my whole heart. Pray that the decision I make is the best for me and my family.


If anyone has something they would like me to pray for, I would be more than happy to pray for you as well.

It’s A Beautiful Life!

I am one lucky girl!

I have an amazing little boy whom I adore!

And another 7 year old boy who I get to enjoy on the weekends.

They consider each other brothers!

I couldn’t be blessed with two more beautiful kids!

Jacob definitely keeps me on my toes!

Between ice cream eating and …

and soccer playing …

my life couldn’t be more full!

I have a Mother and a brother Mark

who makes life fun.

I have another brother and his sweet girlfriend who shower me with wonderful food and more love than a girl could ask for.

I am surrounded by beautiful women with beautiful hearts …

I am surrounded by laughter …

I love you Uncle Brian!

And the coolest kids I know … 

   

and a man who I just cannot get enough of …

For all my blessings … I give thanks!

God has blessed me with so many wonderful things … I love you my family!

The Downside of Perfection

Many people have called me Type A and a perfectionist. For many years I loved that description of myself. Why wouldn’t I?

I always felt happiest when my house was perfectly clean, my son was perfectly dressed, and my school papers came back with beautiful red A+ on them.

I thought my strive for perfection only affected me. I was the only one who had to worry about being perfect, right? 

Umm … NO!

In the past two weeks I have learned that my strive for perfection affects everyone and not in a good way.

On Easter Sunday the morning did not start off right. My boyfriend and I were immediately at each other’s throats. It only got worse as we drove to brunch with Christian, Jacob, and Matthew in the car.

Our brunch was located between multiple one way streets and we had to drive around the  block in order to park. Being the perfectionist that I am I told Dan how to drive. As we drove around the block we came upon a street that I didn’t think was correct. I told Dan to go to the next street before turning.

Needless to say I was wrong.

Dan and I began fighting … really bad. We were yelling and my little man began crying. By the time we got to brunch I didn’t feel like celebrating Easter at all.

Dan told me that I criticize everything he does. I criticize the way he speaks, the way he drives, and the way he dresses.

WHAM! His words hit me like a ton of bricks! I didn’t think I did that. I didn’t even notice how my words and my need for things to be perfect affected him.

Then on Tuesday Jacob got his third trimester report card. As I looked over the many check minus’s my heart sunk. We have worked so hard this past trimester I was totally surprised that it didn’t show on his report card.

I asked Jacob why there were not +’s on his report card. He told me if I wanted a child who got +’s on his report card to be Catherine’s mother!

WHAM! Again ton of bricks hitting me straight between the eyes.

So instead of continuing on a path that is alienating me from my boyfriend and my child … I give up! I don’t want to be known as the girlfriend or the mother that is never satisfied. So I am changing my heart. Praying to God to change me.

I know it will be a long road but this is so important.

Is it just me or do you struggle with the idea of being perfect?

Good Friday

Today was glorious!

I got up early and sat down to continue reading Blue Like Playdoh by Tricia Goyer. (As soon as I am finished with the book I will tell you all the wonderful things I have learned)

Jacob woke up around 10 and with his sleepy eyes asked for markers and white paper. He got busy coloring and writing.

I took a leisurely shower and sat around in my robe getting ready. Jacob finished his coloring and got ready for the day.

We headed to my mothers house. Jacob got to play with Uncle Michael, Mark, and Matthew while my Mom, Vicky, and I went to get incredible pedicures.

After our pedicures my Mom, me, Jacob, and Matthew went to the Arboretum for lunch and for the boys to run around outside.

They climbed … They ran … They laughed

There was a Good Friday service at church this evening so after the Arboretum Jacob and I went home to get ready.

The Good Friday service was … breathtaking. Harvest Bible Chapel did such an amazing job getting us to think, pray, and reflect on the things Jesus did to save us from our sins.

They passed buckets around filled with nails. As soon as Jacob got his he couldn’t stop looking at it. He held it to his wrist and gently pressed the nail into it. He looked at me with so many questions lingering in his eyes.

Did it hurt?

Why did Jesus do that for us?

Why were people so mean to Jesus?

I asked him if he wanted me to pray with him. He did. In the quiet stillness of the sanctuary I thanked God for dying on the cross for our sins. I thanked God for allowing us to cleansed of our sins. Tiny tears rolled down Jacob’s face. The nail was so real.

Jacob sang along with the songs and started to understand the depth of God’s love for him.

He has so many questions and I thanked him for them all. He needed to know that questions about God make him smarter. He smiled!

We left church in silence and drove to Target. I know I know … we just had this amazing service and we go to Target. I picked up the ingredients I needed to make Pioneer Woman’s Hot Cross Buns.

As soon as we got home I remembered what The Simple Wife did with her children to remember what Jesus went through. We got a black pen and a red marker and got to work.

Now we are home enjoying and contemplating all that occurred today. I am thankful for days like this.

Thank you Jesus for taking away my burdens and my sins. I know I am truly loved.

Who knew Panera Bread would get Jacob talking?

Jacob and I went to Panera Bread for lunch yesterday. He said he was having a rough day because Matthew (my little brother) was able to play with friends and ride his bike around without a parent around.

So we went to Panera Bread because it is Jacob’s favorite place to eat, besides McDonalds.

He enjoyed dipping his bread into his soup and taking extremely large bites. We were talking about how he didn’t want to go back to school on Monday but then he wanted to talk about things that worry him.

He got comfy in his chair and told me his worries.

“Mom, I am afraid the Easter Bunny won’t leave my eggs?”

“Eggs where Jacob? In your Easter basket?”

“No Mom! Around the house. I am afraid he will forget.”

“Write the Easter Bunny a letter. Tell him that you are afraid he will forget to leave the Easter eggs. But the Easter bunny won’t forget.”

“Alright Mom. I will write him a letter but I am still not sure.”

I guess my answer satisfied him. He continued to eat and then we talked about whether or not Broccoli Cheddar soup could catch a mouse because it is made from cheese.

I love my sweet boy. I am so glad that I made time for him yesterday.

What is your child’s favorite place to eat?