Praises, Prayers, and Ponderings

Whew … it has been quite a week for me. I completed all my finals, papers, and projects for school. Semester 1 has officially been completed. That definitely takes a lot of stress off my back. If you read my last two posts, you can tell that I have been a little down lately. Not sad but not happy. I basically felt like I was constantly on the verge of tears. I wanted to sit down all day but I was fidgety. I wanted to clean but couldn’t get motivated. Everything and everyone was hurting my feelings. I felt judged and misguided and on the verge of a minor breakdown.

THEN ….

Praise 1: I went to the Village Herbalist! It isn’t that I don’t believe in pharmaceutical medications I just would prefer to go the herbal route if at all possible. My wonderful cousin Tanya recommended to try Mood Elevator to help me. I took one today and I am feeling great!! So much better. I guess I needed a little something to get me out of this funk.

Praise 2: I checked my school’s website to see if my grades have been posted and … three of them were. I have an A in Poetry, an A in Math for Elementary School Teachers, and an A in Technology for Teachers. I am waiting to find out my grades for Greek Philosophy and Contemporary Humanities.

Praise 3: All of my Christmas shopping is now complete! I am super excited!

Things are looking up.

Now onto my prayer requests …

Prayer Request 1: Dan (my boyfriend) has been offered a different position for the company he works for. It looks really good on paper but the things that are too good to be true normally are. Please prayer that this move will be a step forward for him and not a step backward.

Prayer Request 2: Since I have quit work to go back to school …. money has been tight(to say the least). I am looking for a part time job that works with my school schedule and that allows me as much time with Jacob as possible. Please pray for me in my job search.

I really do appreciate it when you pray for me and my family.

Lastly, as my title indicates … the pondering.

I don’t know if this is just me or not but I would love to know if anyone else has ever felt this way.

Do you feel like you have been placed with the wrong relatives? I used to always think that I fit in with my dad’s side of the family but now I just feel like I don’t. I feel like I am just not like them.

Has anyone ever felt this way or is it just me?

I should update more tomorrow. Thank you for your prayers. I truly appreciate them.

inadequate

Tonight I am feeling …

inadequate.

I feel like I am getting pushed and pulled into a thousand different directions.

I feel like a bad …

mom, daughter, friend, relative, girlfriend, and student.

I feel …

too fat, too tall, too talkative, and out of sorts.

I feel …

unloved, unsupported, unsupportive, uneasy, and unorganized.

I feel …

over stressed and under appreciated.

I feel …

like I am the black sheep on both sides of my family.

I feel …

pissed off.

AND I DON’T KNOW WHY!

Jacob hasn’t been listening.

I haven’t bought very many Christmas presents.

I cannot be in two places at once.

My house is not clean or organized.

The laundry isn’t done.

Jacob isn’t listening. (I know I said this already but he really isn’t listening.)

I haven’t been to church in three weeks.

I am crying at the drop of a hat.

I am sick and tired of being so sick and tired.

I feel judged by everyone (in my mind) but really I am doing all the judging.

I feel fat and underdressed.

I just don’t know how to shake these feelings. I know they are all in my head. I know I chose to start my day on the wrong foot.

I know that I have yelled at Jacob more than I should have.

I know all these things but in the heat of the moment I forget.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be like this all the time. I just don’t know what to do!

I know that God will get me through this. I know He will!

Sorry my posts have been very pity party esque! I just want to feel anything but sad.

Am I the only one who goes through these periods? What makes you smile on the days that make you want to sit down and cry? What do you do?

I breathe in and breathe out

This week has not been going as I had originally planned it to go.

Jacob must be forgetting that he has his own bed! The last two nights thirty minutes after I have gone to bed I hear a tiny whisper telling me to “Move Over!”

He moves around so much that I barely have any sheets to cover myself or a pillow to put my head on.

I have gotten kicked and punched multiple times. Needless to say … I am tired.

Two days without sleep makes me very cranky!

 

Doesn’t he look peaceful?

Then … I broke my favorite teapot. This teapot was given to me by two friends (Rachel & Kristy) for Mother’s Day.

They knew my tiny obsession with teapots and picked this one out from the Family Christian Bookstore.

It says “Fill me with Joy, Oh Lord”

And it was green with tiny white polka dots!

I am going to try to super glue it together but it will never be the same.

Then … as I was packing Jacob’s lunch for school I dropped a jar of jelly and it splattered all over the floor.

Glass and sticky strawberry jelly was not fun to clean up.

The weather outside is frightful (cliche I know but it is true)

People are forgetting how to drive, it is bitter cold out, and this is the last week of classes before finals!

Grrr!!!

I am just in a foul mood.

To perk myself up I went to Target and bought myself some Glade candles.

Then I went to Chipotle for a well deserved Burrito Bol lunch.

Mine was rice, a little black beans, steak, two scoops of mild salsa, sour cream, cheese, and lettuce.

Yum!

Then, I hung a curtain rod in my bedroom. It gave me just the look I was going for.

What do you think?

Sorry but this is the best picture I could get. It is super bright in my room and I have a crappy camera!

So now that I have shared my funky, cranky, poor me party with you … What do you do to perk yourself up? I really want to know.

Trying to Get in the Christmas Spirit

Snow has finally arrived in Chicago!

(We didn’t get a lot of snow)

To be honest, I thought the first snow would get me more in the Christmas spirit.

But, it didn’t.

I thought once I got the decorations up around the house it would put in the Christmas mood.

Once again, it didn’t.

We still have to get our Christmas tree. Maybe that will put me in the Christmas spirit.

I know that trees, stockings, glitter, and snowflakes doesn’t really have anything to do with the true meaning of Christmas.

As you can tell I need a little true Christmas cheer.

How does your family celebrate Christmas? What do you do in order to remember the real meaning of Christmas?

I know there is only 17 days until Christmas but I want to do something special (maybe even start a tradition) to teach Jacob the real meaning of Christmas and why we celebrate.