Jacob and I have a little game that we like to play. The game is where we tell each other how much we love them but we have to compare it to something big, huge, or ginormous. Lately, he has been getting very creative. These are some of the things he has said...
*I love you as big as the universe, including the planets.
*I love you as big as sun, cause thats big.
*I love you as big as the ocean, the earth, and everything.
*I love you all the way to heaven.
and last but not least ...
*I love you as big as the world's strongest man.
I love playing this game with him. Most of the time it is as big as the universe. I love my little man!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I put on your shoes, but I didn't walk in them
Tonight, my heart is heavy. The weight of all the indescribable hurts of those I have never met are weighing me down. To read about all the mommies and daddies who's little ones are hurting and knowing nothing that I can do to take their hurts away. I am a fixer. I want to fix everyone's hurts.
That isn't my job.
That is God's job.
Not Mine!
I am trying to remember that tonight.
Like the title states, I put on the shoes of a hurting mommy but I didn't have to walk in them.
On February 15, 2003 my little Jacob Christopher was born at 5:26 a.m. After a very rough delivery he was born not breathing.
Instead of holding my brand new baby they rushed him into the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I was informed before I saw my son to not look in the other rooms. I was told to not gawk at other babies in the NICU. I was supposed to just walk straight into his room after washing my hands.
In the hours and few days that followed Jacob underwent several tests. They thought from his rough delivery that he would be developmentally delayed. The did an MRI to test for that. He was refusing to eat. So I nursed and pumped for him. They gave him vitamins and kept him hooked up to iv's.
The night that I was released from the hospital and Jacob had to stay there I was devastated. I looked at Jacob's dad and I burst into tears. I had never been so sad in my entire life. I told him Mommies don't go home without their babies. The nurse walked in and saw how hurt I was and found me an empty room so I could stay another night.
When there were no more empty rooms in labor and delivery I was sent home once again, without Jacob.
The whole time Jacob was in the NICU I never had to question whether or not he was going to make it.
I knew ... eventually he would eat.
I knew ... eventually the yellow tone in his skin would subside.
I knew ... my baby was ok.
I knew ... he was going to come home and be with me.
I knew ... I was his mommy and I would be the only one taking care of him.
While I was checking up on MckMama and Stellan and The Freeman's baby Kayleigh I remembered all the tears I cried for my little man. For my little man who I knew was fine. My heart goes out to the whole MckFamily and The Freeman's.
I am praying for every single mommy and daddy tonight who is standing in a NICU over their babies. I have hope and faith in God's plan's. God is by your side through all of this.
Tenth Avenue North says it best ...
That isn't my job.
That is God's job.
Not Mine!
I am trying to remember that tonight.
Like the title states, I put on the shoes of a hurting mommy but I didn't have to walk in them.
On February 15, 2003 my little Jacob Christopher was born at 5:26 a.m. After a very rough delivery he was born not breathing.
Instead of holding my brand new baby they rushed him into the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I was informed before I saw my son to not look in the other rooms. I was told to not gawk at other babies in the NICU. I was supposed to just walk straight into his room after washing my hands.
In the hours and few days that followed Jacob underwent several tests. They thought from his rough delivery that he would be developmentally delayed. The did an MRI to test for that. He was refusing to eat. So I nursed and pumped for him. They gave him vitamins and kept him hooked up to iv's.
The night that I was released from the hospital and Jacob had to stay there I was devastated. I looked at Jacob's dad and I burst into tears. I had never been so sad in my entire life. I told him Mommies don't go home without their babies. The nurse walked in and saw how hurt I was and found me an empty room so I could stay another night.
When there were no more empty rooms in labor and delivery I was sent home once again, without Jacob.
The whole time Jacob was in the NICU I never had to question whether or not he was going to make it.
I knew ... eventually he would eat.
I knew ... eventually the yellow tone in his skin would subside.
I knew ... my baby was ok.
I knew ... he was going to come home and be with me.
I knew ... I was his mommy and I would be the only one taking care of him.
While I was checking up on MckMama and Stellan and The Freeman's baby Kayleigh I remembered all the tears I cried for my little man. For my little man who I knew was fine. My heart goes out to the whole MckFamily and The Freeman's.
I am praying for every single mommy and daddy tonight who is standing in a NICU over their babies. I have hope and faith in God's plan's. God is by your side through all of this.
I'll be by your side where ever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
MY HANDS ARE HOLDING YOU
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
MY HANDS ARE HOLDING YOU
Walk in His Strength
Mindy
Mindy
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Book Review (Love Starts with Elle by Rachel Hauck)
*** Update ***
Did you notice my first commenter??? She is the author of Love Starts with Elle!!!! I am super excited and I have been bragging about it all day!
As promised a few days ago finally .... here is my book review. I just finished reading Love Starts with Elle by Rachel Hauck.
(Quick Side Note: One main criteria for any book I read is that it has to have a christian faith base. I find that christian books are more uplifting than regular books.)
Love Starts with Elle is all about a christian woman, Elle, who thinks she has found love in a future pastor. When her boyfriend, Jeremiah, proposes Elle immediately says yes! But then, he informs her they have to move to Texas so that he can pastor an up and coming church.
While Elle and Jeremiah are living separate lives in separate cities, Elle crosses paths with Heath. Heath is a recently widowed father of a young daughter.
Heath is grieving the loss of his wife and trying to understand all the complications of raising a daughter on his own.
Let me tell you, I loved this book!! It was such an amazing and easy read. I couldn't put it down. Elle is a character who you can picture as someone who has been your friend forever. Jeremiah's character is what you would assume a typical go - getter would be like. But you relate to him as well. You hurt for Heath's character. A father who really hasn't had the chance to know his daughter before now.
If you are looking for a romantic christian fiction book then this is a GREAT choice.
***** Also, I just started reading Misplacing God; and finding Him again by Joanne Heim. I will let you know what I think after I finish it. So far, it is another fantastic God loving book.
Walk in His Strength,
Mindy
Did you notice my first commenter??? She is the author of Love Starts with Elle!!!! I am super excited and I have been bragging about it all day!
As promised a few days ago finally .... here is my book review. I just finished reading Love Starts with Elle by Rachel Hauck.
(Quick Side Note: One main criteria for any book I read is that it has to have a christian faith base. I find that christian books are more uplifting than regular books.)
Love Starts with Elle is all about a christian woman, Elle, who thinks she has found love in a future pastor. When her boyfriend, Jeremiah, proposes Elle immediately says yes! But then, he informs her they have to move to Texas so that he can pastor an up and coming church.
While Elle and Jeremiah are living separate lives in separate cities, Elle crosses paths with Heath. Heath is a recently widowed father of a young daughter.
Heath is grieving the loss of his wife and trying to understand all the complications of raising a daughter on his own.
Let me tell you, I loved this book!! It was such an amazing and easy read. I couldn't put it down. Elle is a character who you can picture as someone who has been your friend forever. Jeremiah's character is what you would assume a typical go - getter would be like. But you relate to him as well. You hurt for Heath's character. A father who really hasn't had the chance to know his daughter before now.
If you are looking for a romantic christian fiction book then this is a GREAT choice.
***** Also, I just started reading Misplacing God; and finding Him again by Joanne Heim. I will let you know what I think after I finish it. So far, it is another fantastic God loving book.
Walk in His Strength,
Mindy
Prayers for Stellan
Right now baby Stellan is in surgery for his heart. Please pray for him! This surgery is very dangerous in children his age. To check for updates please check out MckMama's blog. www.mycharmingkids.net
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Step 1
I just applied to NIU. I sent my transcripts and everything. Keep your fingers crossed that I get in.
Book Review coming soon!!
Book Review coming soon!!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy Easter!
Today was such a beautiful day to celebrate that Jesus has risen! I enjoyed my day today so much. I started my Easter celebration at church on Friday for the Good Friday service. It was a quick one hour service that reminded me why we are celebrating this day. They had all the candles lit and it was a sombering and soul searching evening. (Sorry about not having ANY pictures but my camera after being sent out for a week getting fixed is still broken! Aargh!!)
On Saturday morning Jacob had his first soccer game. It was hysterical! Jacob was so excited and I laughed the entire time. He loved being goalie. I thought he would be more tired after the game but I think all the running around gave him more energy.
Saturday night Jacob, Christian, Dan, and myself made The Easter Story cookies. (Thanks to Joanne at www.thesimplewife.typepad.com). Then we colored our Easter eggs. Lastly, we read from the children's bible the story of Easter. The boys had so many questions. Mainly, they wanted to know if there are bowling alleys and candy stores in heaven. With the quiet of the evening the boys feel asleep quickly.
Sunday morning was a little crazy. We got dressed in our fancy Easter clothes and headed off to church for the 9 a.m. service. Pastor Ron did a wonderful job of putting the joy of Easter in our hearts. Then we went to my mom's house for Easter brunch. I love my family and I love spending holidays with them.
Easter was perfect - relaxed, enjoyable, and spent with everyone I love.
Also - Tanya, Jeffrey, and Landon are staying in Illinois!!! I am thrilled. I almost started crying when she told me. Tanya has always been like a sister to me and I am so glad that Jacob and Landon will be able to grow up together like we did. (If you are reading this Tanya, I love you guys)
I hope everyone enjoyed their Easter like I did.
Walk In His Strength,
Mindy
On Saturday morning Jacob had his first soccer game. It was hysterical! Jacob was so excited and I laughed the entire time. He loved being goalie. I thought he would be more tired after the game but I think all the running around gave him more energy.
Saturday night Jacob, Christian, Dan, and myself made The Easter Story cookies. (Thanks to Joanne at www.thesimplewife.typepad.com). Then we colored our Easter eggs. Lastly, we read from the children's bible the story of Easter. The boys had so many questions. Mainly, they wanted to know if there are bowling alleys and candy stores in heaven. With the quiet of the evening the boys feel asleep quickly.
Sunday morning was a little crazy. We got dressed in our fancy Easter clothes and headed off to church for the 9 a.m. service. Pastor Ron did a wonderful job of putting the joy of Easter in our hearts. Then we went to my mom's house for Easter brunch. I love my family and I love spending holidays with them.
Easter was perfect - relaxed, enjoyable, and spent with everyone I love.
Also - Tanya, Jeffrey, and Landon are staying in Illinois!!! I am thrilled. I almost started crying when she told me. Tanya has always been like a sister to me and I am so glad that Jacob and Landon will be able to grow up together like we did. (If you are reading this Tanya, I love you guys)
I hope everyone enjoyed their Easter like I did.
Walk In His Strength,
Mindy
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Seriously?
Ok ... I did it again. Slept great. No complaints. I STILL didn't get up early.
Anyone willing to be my personal alarm clock? Just kidding.
I am mad at myself for not following through on something I really really really want to do.
I am guilty!
Tomorrow is a new day. I will try again.
Nothing new to report.
Going to work out tonight with my brother Michael, who is a personal trainer. I hope he doesn't hurt me too badly.
Until Tomorrow
Walk in His Strength
Mindy
Anyone willing to be my personal alarm clock? Just kidding.
I am mad at myself for not following through on something I really really really want to do.
I am guilty!
Tomorrow is a new day. I will try again.
Nothing new to report.
Going to work out tonight with my brother Michael, who is a personal trainer. I hope he doesn't hurt me too badly.
Until Tomorrow
Walk in His Strength
Mindy
Monday, April 6, 2009
Not exactly what I had planned
This morning I totally wanted to get up and spend time with God and have my own quiet time with Him but .... It didn't happen. Jacob climbed into my bed at 3 a.m. and proceeded to kick and punch and twirl my hair all night long. Then to top it all off he peed in my bed. Needless to say I didn't get a good nights sleep and didn't wake up early at all. As a matter of fact, I overslept and got to work 15 minutes late. I know that really should not be an excuse but that is the story. I am going to try to wake up early tomorrow.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Explanation
The other day while Jacob and I were in the car he asked me a very serious question for a child his age. He asked me, "If God is supposed to be my friend and I can't see Him, How do I play with Him?" For the life of me I could not come up with a good response. How lovely was that question.
It has really bothered me that I could not give him an answer. As I thought long and hard about his question I got to thinking. I can't answer that question because I don't tend to think about God like my friend. I want to think of Him that way but I am just not.
I think of God as an authority figure. I think of Him as someone I must obey. But I honestly want to be His friend I just don't know how.
This afternoon at church Pastor Ron was sharing with us how to disclose our struggles and past/present sins to others. (If you would like to watch the sermon, click here.)
So tonight, I am going to disclose one of my many sins to you. I don't spend enough time with God. I put Him at the bottom of my to-do list and most days I never get to cross Him off my list. (Ok, I know that spending time with God isn't something I need to cross off my list but I am just saying.)
Starting tomorrow, I am going to wake up early and put God on the top of my list and spend time with Him. In the Bible it says to meet God in the morning. So that is what I am going to do.
Please pray for me to fight the urge and sleep in. I really want and need to make God a priority in my life.
If anyone has something they want me to pray for please leave a comment.
Walk in His Strength,
Mindy
It has really bothered me that I could not give him an answer. As I thought long and hard about his question I got to thinking. I can't answer that question because I don't tend to think about God like my friend. I want to think of Him that way but I am just not.
I think of God as an authority figure. I think of Him as someone I must obey. But I honestly want to be His friend I just don't know how.
This afternoon at church Pastor Ron was sharing with us how to disclose our struggles and past/present sins to others. (If you would like to watch the sermon, click here.)
So tonight, I am going to disclose one of my many sins to you. I don't spend enough time with God. I put Him at the bottom of my to-do list and most days I never get to cross Him off my list. (Ok, I know that spending time with God isn't something I need to cross off my list but I am just saying.)
Starting tomorrow, I am going to wake up early and put God on the top of my list and spend time with Him. In the Bible it says to meet God in the morning. So that is what I am going to do.
Please pray for me to fight the urge and sleep in. I really want and need to make God a priority in my life.
If anyone has something they want me to pray for please leave a comment.
Walk in His Strength,
Mindy
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Feeling the Burn
In July of this year, my cousin Brandon and his fiance Kim are getting married on a mountain in Idaho. While they are preparing all the beautiful details that will make up their wonderful wedding I decided that I need to get back in shape. I will admit ... I have got a lot of jiggle! I gained a lot of weight when I was pregnant with Jacob and I never lost all of it.
To be honest, if I am not looking in the mirror I think I look like when I did in high school. I had the twiggy chicken legs and was super skinny. Now, I got a little extra cushion.
On Friday after work I went to Planet Fitness and signed up. The package was awesome! It was a $1 down and $10 a month. So after I handed over my dollar and signed on all the dotted lines I was ready to work out. I know nothing about working out. All I do is run on the treadmill. But I went and I ran. I ended up running 2 miles and I walked 1 mile.
The second I got off the treadmill ... I couldn't feel my legs! And I was dizzy! Maybe I should have started slower than I did.
But the best part is I went back today! Yay for me! I am super sore and achey but I can't wait to start seeing results.
If I wasn't so embarrassed I would take a photo to see before and afters shots but there is NO WAY that is going to happen !
That's all for tonight! I am going to take a nice hot bath and hope I can get out of the tub without pulling a muscle.
Walk in His Strength
Mindy
To be honest, if I am not looking in the mirror I think I look like when I did in high school. I had the twiggy chicken legs and was super skinny. Now, I got a little extra cushion.
On Friday after work I went to Planet Fitness and signed up. The package was awesome! It was a $1 down and $10 a month. So after I handed over my dollar and signed on all the dotted lines I was ready to work out. I know nothing about working out. All I do is run on the treadmill. But I went and I ran. I ended up running 2 miles and I walked 1 mile.
The second I got off the treadmill ... I couldn't feel my legs! And I was dizzy! Maybe I should have started slower than I did.
But the best part is I went back today! Yay for me! I am super sore and achey but I can't wait to start seeing results.
If I wasn't so embarrassed I would take a photo to see before and afters shots but there is NO WAY that is going to happen !
That's all for tonight! I am going to take a nice hot bath and hope I can get out of the tub without pulling a muscle.
Walk in His Strength
Mindy
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Updates
I know that it has been a little while since I last posted but as always life has been crazy.
*I totaled my car a month ago and this weekend I had to go purchase another one since my rental car was up on Saturday. Buying a car is a very difficult procedure. I think I signed more paperwork when buying a car than when I bought my condo. But I did buy a 2005 Chevy Equinox and so far I love it!
*Jacob is starting soccer this week and I am the assistant coach. He is on the kindergarten house league for Glen Ellyn. He is really excited to start and can't wait to put on the socks, shin guards, and shorts. He wants to know when he gets his t-shirt.
*Jacob is also on Spring Break this week. Being a working mom it has been a little difficult to get everything organized. Normally his baby sitters only watch him in the morning since Kindergarten is in the afternoon. So he has had a lot of fun being watched by different people this week. Thank you Grandma May, Mom, Tanya, Jackie, Mrs. Chung, and Jenifer. He is really enjoying this week.
*I broke my digital camera this week as well. As shocking as it is, I bought a warranty. The only problem is they are going to send it out and it will take two weeks. Now I have to borrow my Mom's camera so that I can take pictures at soccer practice tomorrow.
*****************************************************************************
While we were at the car dealership Jacob was honestly on his best behavior. I was so proud of him. He didn't run around or act all crazy. But at one point he asks to borrow my cell phone. Curious on who he would call ... I asked.
"Jacob, who are you going to call?"
"Mom, I need to call my ex-wife"
Hmmm ... my son has an ex-wife. I thought I was going to get married before him but obviously not. He was married and divorced before me. I never even met my ex daughter in law.
*****************************************************************************
I have been praying for Stellan. My heart goes out to his mother, Jennifer and the whole MckFamily. I don't know how she is handling all of this. I remember when I was sent home from the hospital after Jacob was born and he was still in the NICU. My heart was broken and I knew he was going to be fine. What a testimony of faith! I am in awe of Jennifer's strength and courage. I will continue to pray for the whole family. Please go to her blog and pray for baby Stellan too!
Angie from www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com has posted a new post today as well. Her words and her story has touched me in more ways than I could ever possibly explain. She has suffered great loss but has grown stronger in her faith along the process. Today's post was just what I needed to read. I have never emailed her in regards to who she has gotten so faithful but I have always wondered. Today's post described in the most eloquent words how she has gotten to where she is today. She makes me long for that kind of faith. I want to hear God speak to me too. Go check out her blog, if you haven't already. No one can say it like she does.
Enjoy your Wednesday.
Walk in His Strength
Mindy
*I totaled my car a month ago and this weekend I had to go purchase another one since my rental car was up on Saturday. Buying a car is a very difficult procedure. I think I signed more paperwork when buying a car than when I bought my condo. But I did buy a 2005 Chevy Equinox and so far I love it!
*Jacob is starting soccer this week and I am the assistant coach. He is on the kindergarten house league for Glen Ellyn. He is really excited to start and can't wait to put on the socks, shin guards, and shorts. He wants to know when he gets his t-shirt.
*Jacob is also on Spring Break this week. Being a working mom it has been a little difficult to get everything organized. Normally his baby sitters only watch him in the morning since Kindergarten is in the afternoon. So he has had a lot of fun being watched by different people this week. Thank you Grandma May, Mom, Tanya, Jackie, Mrs. Chung, and Jenifer. He is really enjoying this week.
*I broke my digital camera this week as well. As shocking as it is, I bought a warranty. The only problem is they are going to send it out and it will take two weeks. Now I have to borrow my Mom's camera so that I can take pictures at soccer practice tomorrow.
*****************************************************************************
While we were at the car dealership Jacob was honestly on his best behavior. I was so proud of him. He didn't run around or act all crazy. But at one point he asks to borrow my cell phone. Curious on who he would call ... I asked.
"Jacob, who are you going to call?"
"Mom, I need to call my ex-wife"
Hmmm ... my son has an ex-wife. I thought I was going to get married before him but obviously not. He was married and divorced before me. I never even met my ex daughter in law.
*****************************************************************************
I have been praying for Stellan. My heart goes out to his mother, Jennifer and the whole MckFamily. I don't know how she is handling all of this. I remember when I was sent home from the hospital after Jacob was born and he was still in the NICU. My heart was broken and I knew he was going to be fine. What a testimony of faith! I am in awe of Jennifer's strength and courage. I will continue to pray for the whole family. Please go to her blog and pray for baby Stellan too!
Angie from www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com has posted a new post today as well. Her words and her story has touched me in more ways than I could ever possibly explain. She has suffered great loss but has grown stronger in her faith along the process. Today's post was just what I needed to read. I have never emailed her in regards to who she has gotten so faithful but I have always wondered. Today's post described in the most eloquent words how she has gotten to where she is today. She makes me long for that kind of faith. I want to hear God speak to me too. Go check out her blog, if you haven't already. No one can say it like she does.
Walk in His Strength
Mindy
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